As tensions mount in Libya, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has decided to break from traditional war tactics in favor of games from his childhood, such as hide-and-seek.
"I find it breaks the tension,” says the despot from an undisclosed location. “War can be really stressful for all involved and I feel it’s just healthier and more productive to connect with your inner child.”
The rebels on the other hand are perplexed by Gaddafi’s new strategy, finding it difficult to count to 100 without “peeking.” Some have tried to vocalize their frustrations, but keep getting caught in the dictator's most vicious maneuver – "the Quiet Game."
“I mean what’s the point,” says rebel General Mohammed Akbar. “It’s clearly just an excuse to shut us up. Like what do you even win for being the ‘most quiet’? Nothing! It’s this kind of public manipulation that has led this country to revolution in the first place!”
“I swear to Allah if he makes us play one more damn game of Dodge Ball I’m going to just shoot myself and be done with it," echoes another rebel. “I’m surprised it’s not even in the Geneva Convention. I mean everyone knows that the fat soldiers gonna get out first. It’s like the only purpose of the game is to exploit the weak. This war sucks.”
Even soldiers fighting in their leaders’ National Army have complained — though in far more discreet a manner. One pilot wishing to remain anonymous had this to say: “Many on both sides would just like to go back to killing each other like civilized human beings, but it’s hard to even approach a man like Gaddafi. Just last week the Colonel was playing Heads Up 7 Up — by himself with a bunch of dismembered heads. The guy is seriously losing it.”
Both sides are unsure just how long the Libyan revolution will go on, but some are reporting the end is closer than ever. Rebel forces, after vigorously selling candy bars door to door, have finally generated enough funds to order their own uniforms and feel they’re that much closer to getting a few sponsors. With reports continuously coming in that the majority of the country is under rebel command, many around the world are predicting Gaddafi’s imminent capture.
“The closer we get, the more we hear faint, yet distinct, giggling. It’s only a matter of time," said Akbar.