When David Sedaris first read from his SantaLand Diaries on NPR’s Morning Edition in 1992, it quickly became one of the program’s most popular stories of all time. Dark and wickedly funny, the essay compiles slightly embellished stories from the two seasons Sedaris worked at Macy’s in Herald Square. Donning green velvet knickers and a perky hat, Sedaris begrudgingly becomes Crumpet, an elf who rejects the forced merriment of the season in a riotous fashion. Adapted for the stage by Tony-winning actor and director Joe Mantello, the one-man play is paired with Season’s Greetings, a monologue that stuffs Mrs. Jocelyn Dunbar’s holiday stocking with a slew of surprises including a crack baby named Satan Speaks. Shelly Chance directs Jimmy Moore and Molly Cox at the Cellar. $10-$25; 2:30pm Sun, Dec 9; San Pedro Playhouse, 800 W Ashby, (210) 733-7258, theplayhousesa.org. Check out our full online calendar of upcoming events here: calendar.sacurrent.com.