Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to watch a former tool-calendar model rechristened Apollonia purify herself topless in the waters of Lake Minnetonka; to watch Morris Day groom himself in Jerome Benton’s mirror; to watch director Albert Magnoli stock a Smithsonian exhibit with ’80s glam fashions and mall hair and dawn-of-MTV visual overload (steam! strobe cutting! backlighting!). — Nashville Scene (nashvillescene.com). In his semi-autobiographical film debut, Prince stars as "The Kid," a hard luck boy from Minneapolis who dresses like a swarthy pirate and is desperate to catch his big break and launch his musical career. He's also desperate for love and really angry about his messed up parents (apparently their fighting sounds like doves crying, which is soooo annoying). Clunky and implausible, it probably should never have been green-lighted by any studio in its right mind. But thankfully it was. Not only was it just made, but it was a pretty big hit. And, because of the accompanying album, the world knows the glory of "When Doves Cry," "Let's Go Crazy," and of course, "Purple Rain." — Alamo Drafthouse (drafthouse.com). The classic screens at Alamo Drafthouse Westlakes on at 7pm and 10pm and at Alamo Drafthouse Park North at 7pm, Jan 14. $10; Alamo Drafthouse Westlakes (1255 SW Loop 410); Alamo Drafthouse Park North (618 NW Loop 410), drafthouse.com. Check out our full online calendar of upcoming events here: calendar.sacurrent.com.