ARIES (March 21-April 19): Even if you are a wild-eyed adventure-seeker with extremist views and melodramatic yearnings, you’ll benefit from taking a moderate approach to life in the coming weeks. In fact, you’re most likely to attract the help and inspiration you need if you adopt the strategy used by Goldilocks in the fairy tale “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”: neither excessive nor underdone, neither extravagant nor restrained, neither bawdy, loud, and in-your-face nor demure, quiet, and passive — but rather just right.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Some of my readers love me but also hate me. They are drawn to my horoscopes in the hope that I will help relieve them of their habitual pain, but then get mad at me when I do just that. In retrospect, they feel lost without the familiar companionship of their habitual pain. It had been a centerpiece of their identity, a source of stability, and when it’s gone, they don’t know who they are any more. Are you like these people, Taurus? If so, you might want to avoid my horoscopes for a while. I will be engaged in a subtle crusade to dissolve your angst and agitation. And it all starts now with this magic spell: Your wound is a blessing. Discover why.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In my dream last night, bad guys wearing white hats constrained you in a canvas straitjacket, then further wrapped you up with heavy steel chain secured by three padlocks. They drove you to a weedy field behind an abandoned warehouse and left you there in the pitch dark. But you were indomitable. By dawn, you had miraculously wriggled your way out of your confinement. Then you walked back home, free and undaunted. Here’s my interpretation of the dream: You now have special skills as an escape artist. No cage can hold you. No riddle can stump you. No tangle can confuse you. (P.S.: For best results, trust yourself even more than you usually do.)
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’m confident that I will never again need to moonlight as a janitor or dishwasher in order to pay my bills. My gig as a horoscope columnist provides me with enough money to eat well, so it’s no longer necessary to shoplift bread or scavenge for dented cans of beets in grocery store dumpsters. What accounts for my growing financial luck? I mean besides the fact that I have been steadily improving my skills as an oracle and writer? I suspect it may in part have to do with my determination to cultivate generosity. As I’ve become better at expressing compassion and bestowing blessings, money has flowed to me in greater abundance. Would this strategy work for you? The coming weeks and months will be a good time to experiment.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Here’s my translation of a passage from the ancient Gospel of Thomas, a gnostic text about the teachings of Jesus: “If you do not awaken and develop the potential talents that lie within you, they will damage you. If you do awaken and develop the potential talents that lie within you, they will heal you.” Whether you actually awaken and develop those talents or not depends on two things: your ability to identify them clearly and your determination to bring them to life with the graceful force of your willpower. I call this to your attention, Libra, because the coming months will be a highly favorable time to expedite the ripening of your talents. And it all starts NOW.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You can’t completely eliminate unhelpful influences and trivial saboteurs and debilitating distractions from your life. But you’re entering a phase of your astrological cycle when you have more power than usual to diminish their effects. To get started in this gritty yet lofty endeavor, try this: Decrease your connection with anything that tends to demean your spirit, shrink your lust for life, limit your freedom, ignore your soul, compromise your integrity, dishonor your reverence, inhibit your self-expressiveness, or alienate you from what you love.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Work too much and push yourself too hard, Sagittarius. Eat corn chips for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, and French fries for dinner — every day, if possible. And please please please get no more than four hours’ sleep per night. If you have any extra time, do arduous favors for friends and intensify your workout routine. JUST KIDDING! Don’t you dare heed any of that ridiculous advice. In fact, I suggest you do just the opposite. Dream up brilliant excuses not to work too much or push too hard. Treat yourself to the finest meals and best sleep ever. Take your mastery of the art of relaxation to new heights. Right now, the most effective way to serve your long-term dreams is by having as much fun, joy, and release as possible.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I propose that you and I make a deal. Here’s how it would work: For the next three weeks, I will say three prayers for you every day. I will ask God, Fate, and Life to send you more of the recognition and appreciation you deserve. I will coax and convince them to give you rich experiences of being seen for who you really are. Now here’s what I ask of you in return: You will rigorously resolve to act on your core beliefs, express your noblest desires, and say only what you truly mean. You will be alert for those times when you start to stray from the path with heart, and you will immediately get yourself back on that path. You will be yourself three times stronger and clearer than you have ever been before.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you loosen yourself up by drinking an alcoholic beverage, don’t drive a forklift or ride a unicycle. If you have a hunch that your luck at gambling is peaking, don’t buy lottery tickets or play the slot machines. If you’re drawn to explore the frontiers of intimacy, be armed with the ancient Latin maxim, Primum non nocere, or “First, do no harm.” And if you really do believe it would be fun to play with fire, bring a fire extinguisher with you. In presenting this cautionary advice, I’m not saying that you should never push the limits or bend the rules. But I want to be sure that as you dare to experiment, you remain savvy and ethical and responsible.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I invite you to explore the healing power of sex. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to do so. You are also likely to generate good fortune for yourself if you try to fix any aspect of your erotic life that feels wounded or awkward. For best results, suspend all your theories about the way physical intimacy should work in your life. Adopting a beginner’s mind could lead you to subtly spectacular breakthroughs. (P.S. You don’t necessarily need a partner to take full advantage of this big opening.)