Savage Love: Mixed Messages

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Q: I’m gay and married. My husband regularly messes around with this one guy who treats me like I’m a cuckold. He will send me a pic of my husband sucking his cock, for example, and a text message meant to degrade me. But I’m not a cuckold and I don’t find these messages sexy. My husband wants me to play along because it gets this guy off. Advice? — Can’t Understand Cuckold Kink

It depends, CUCK. If you’re upset by these messages — if they hurt your feelings, are damaging your sexual connection to your husband, are traumatizing — don’t play along. But if you find them silly — if they just make you roll your eyes — then play along. Respond positively/abjectly/insincerely, then delete. Not to please the guy sending the messages (who you don’t owe anything), but to please your husband (who’ll wind up owing you).

Q: I am a straight male grad student in my mid-20s. My girlfriend wants to have sex with another girl in our class. Neither of us have had a threesome before, but both of us are game. Unfortunately, I am not attracted to this girl. When we started dating, my girlfriend told me that she is sexually attracted to women. We agreed to be monogamous except that she could have sex with other women as part of a threesome with me. She is not hell-bent on having sex with our classmate, but she would like to and says it’s up to me. I don’t want her to suppress her same-sex tendencies, but I am jealous at the thought of her having sex with someone else while I am not participating. What should I do? — Feeling Out Moments Orgasmic

You should take yes for an answer, FOMO — or take your girlfriend’s willingness to say no to this opportunity for an answer. She’s into this woman but willing to pass on her because you aren’t. There are billions of other women on the planet — some in your immediate vicinity — so you two have lots of other options. Unless you find a reason to object to every woman your girlfriend finds attractive, you aren’t guilty of suppressing her same-sex tendencies.

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