ARIES (March 21-April 19):
According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you have cosmic permission to enjoy extra helpings of waffles, crepes, pancakes, and blintzes. Eating additional pastries and doughnuts is also encouraged. Why? Because it’s high time for you to acquire more ballast. You need more gravitas and greater stability. You can’t afford to be top-heavy; you must be hard to knock over. If you would prefer not to accomplish this noble goal by adding girth to your butt and gut, find an alternate way. Maybe you could put weights on your shoes and think very deep thoughts.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
You’re slipping into the wild heart of the season of discovery. Your curiosity is mounting. Your listening skills are growing more robust. Your willingness to be taught and influenced and transformed is at a peak. And what smarter way to take advantage of this fertile moment than to decide what you most want to learn about during the next three years? For inspiration, identify a subject you’d love to study, a skill you’d eagerly stretch yourself to master, and an invigorating truth that would boost your brilliance if you thoroughly embodied it.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
Playwright and novelist Samuel Beckett won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1969. Four of his works were essential in earning that award: the play Waiting for Godot, and the novels Molloy, Malone Dies, and The Unnamable. Beckett wrote all of them in a two-year span during the late 1940s. During that time, he was virtually indigent. He and his companion Suzanne survived on the paltry wage she made as a dressmaker. We might draw the conclusion from his life story that it is at least possible for a person to accomplish great things despite having little money. I propose that we make Beckett your role model for the coming weeks, Gemini. May he inspire you to believe in your power to become the person you want to be no matter what your financial situation may be.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
I suggest you ignore the temptation to shop around for new heroes and champions. It would only distract you from your main assignment in the coming weeks, which is to be more of a hero and champion yourself. Here are some tips to guide you as you slip beyond your overly modest self-image and explore the liberations that may be possible when you give yourself more credit. Tip #1: Finish outgrowing the old heroes and champions who’ve served you well. Tip #2: Forgive and forget the disappointing heroes and hypocritical champions who betrayed their own ideals. Tip #3: Exorcise your unwarranted admiration for mere celebrities who might have snookered you into thinking they’re heroes or champions.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
“A waterfall would be more impressive if it flowed the other way,” said Irish writer Oscar Wilde. Normally, I would dismiss an idea like this, even though it’s funny and I like funny ideas. Normally, I would regard such a negative assessment of the waterfall’s true nature, even in jest, to be unproductive and enfeebling. But none of my usual perspectives are in effect as I evaluate the possibility that Wilde’s declaration might be a provocative metaphor for your use in the coming weeks. For a limited time only, it might be wise to meditate on a waterfall that flows the other way.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Stage magicians may seem to make a wine glass hover in mid-air, or transform salt into diamonds, or make doves materialize and fly out of their hands. It’s all fake, of course – tricks performed by skilled illusionists. But here’s a twist on the old story: I suspect that for a few weeks, you will have the power to generate effects that may, to the uninitiated, have a resemblance to magic tricks – except that your magic will be real, not fake. And you will have worked very hard to accomplish what looks easy and natural. And the marvels you generate will, unlike the illusionists’, be authentic and useful.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
The coming weeks will be a favorable time to accentuate and brandish the qualities that best exemplify your Libran nature. In other words, be extreme in your moderation. Be pushy in your attempts to harmonize. Be bold and brazen as you make supple use of your famous balancing act. I’ll offer you a further piece of advice, as well. My first astrology teacher believed that when Librans operate at peak strength, their symbol of power is the iron fist in the velvet glove: power expressed gracefully, firmness rendered gently. I urge you to explore the nuances of that metaphor.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
If I were your mom, I’d nudge you out the door and say, “Go play outside for a while!” If I were your commanding officer, I’d award you a shiny medal for your valorous undercover work and then order you to take a frisky sabbatical. If I were your psychotherapist, I would urge you to act as if your past has no further power to weigh you down or hold you back, and then I would send you out on a vision quest to discover your best possible future. In other words, my dear Scorpio, I hope you will flee your usual haunts. Get out of the loop and into the open spaces that will refresh your eyes and heart.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Sex education classes at some high schools employ a dramatic exercise to illustrate the possible consequences of engaging in heterosexual lovemaking without using birth control. Everywhere they go for two weeks, students must carry around a 10-pound bag of flour. It’s a way for them to get a visceral approximation of caring for an infant. I recommend that you find or create an equivalent test or trial for yourself in the coming days. As you consider entering into a deeper collaboration or making a stronger commitment, you’ll be wise to undertake a dress rehearsal.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Members of the Dull Men’s Club celebrate the ordinary. “Glitz and glam aren’t worth the bother,” they declare. “Slow motion gets you there faster,” they pontificate. Showing no irony, they brag that they are “born to be mild.” I wouldn’t normally recommend becoming part of a movement like theirs, but the next two weeks will be one of those rare times when aligning yourself with their principles might be healthy and smart. If you’re willing to explore the virtues of simple, plain living, make the Swedish term lagom your word of power. According to the Dull Men’s Club, it means “enough, sufficient, adequate, balanced, suitable, appropriate.”
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
In the Georgian language, shemomechama is a word that literally means “I ate the whole thing.” It refers to what happens when you’re already full, but find the food in front of you so delicious that you can’t stop eating. I’m concerned you might soon be tempted to embark on metaphorical versions of shemomechama. That’s why I’m giving you a warning to monitor any tendencies you might have to get too much of a good thing. Pleasurable and productive activities will serve you better if you stop yourself before you go too far.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Please do not send me a lock of your hair or a special piece of your jewelry or a hundred dollar bill. I will gladly cast a love spell in your behalf without draining you of your hard-earned cash. The only condition I place on my free gift is that you agree to have me cast the love spell on you and you alone. After all, your love for yourself is what needs most work. And your love for yourself is the primary magic that fuels your success in connecting with other people. (Besides, it’s bad karma to use a love spell to interfere with another person’s will.) So if you accept my conditions, Pisces, demonstrate that you’re ready to receive my telepathic love spell by sending me your telepathic authorization.