10 Gross Pumpkin Cocktails You Shouldn't Drink this Thanksgiving

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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, PSL lovers, but after Thanksgiving, pumpkin spice season will be over. Everything is going to start tasting like peppermint and gingerbread instead of cinnamon and squash, and I cannot wait. But, until then, the squash obsession rages on.

This pumpkin shit has really gotten out of hand and, to prove it to you, we have compiled a list of the nastiest pumpkin dranks that actually exist and that you shouldn't even consider enjoying this Thanksgiving. Seriously, don’t. Why are people even writing these recipes? You’re better than that. Just eat some pumpkin pie like a normal person, and enjoy a Thanksgiving cocktail that actually tastes good and doesn't look like something you wipe off your floor after a party. Try these Thanksgiving cocktails instead. 


Pumpkin Pie Martini

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Mmm, pumpkin puree in a martini glass. This cocktail is a low carb version of pumpkin pie. It’s full of heavy cream and rum and looks like a cat threw up in a glass. Enjoy. Find the recipe at All I Dream About Food.

Pumpkin Pie Shooters

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These nasty little concoctions are made with pumpkin pie spice coffee creamer, whipped cream vodka and—you guessed it—pumpkin puree. According to the recipe, alcohol is optional in these babies so you could skip the vodka altogether and just drink a tiny mason jar full of creamer and pumpkin instead! Yum. Find the recipe at A Night Owl.

Boozy Pumpkin White Hot Chocolate

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This drink is probably the least gag-inducing cocktail on the list, because it’s hot chocolate and hot chocolate is pretty much always good. The addition of pumpkin might even be delicious. Or it could be terrible—I'm too scared to drink it. Find the recipe at Minimalist Baker.

Spiced Pumpkin Horchata

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While the addition of pumpkin could be yummy in hot chocolate, it seems totally weird to add it to a mug of thick, warm horchata. Maybe it is the lack of chocolate in the drink, I don’t know. Find the recipe at Slim Pickin's Kitchen.

Pumpkin Punch with Cinnamon-Infused Rum

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First of all, this punch looks like soup. It is essentially an alcoholic pumpkin soup, full of ice and sweetened condensed milk. And rum. Excuse me while I go ralph. Find the recipe at Serious Eats.

Sparkling Pumpkin Cider Beertail

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This is the pumpkin cocktail for lazy folks. You don’t even have to open up a can of pumpkin puree for this drink, because it’s made with a few bottles of pumpkin beer, some sparkling cider, and a whole lot of cinnamon. I can imagine it just tastes like an amped up Fall beer, but whatever. Find the recipe at Brit+Co.

Pumpkin Mojito

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Ooh, a nice minty mojito. Wait, it has pumpkin puree in it. Mint and squash do not mix. Next. (If you must, you can find the recipe at Pop Sugar.)

Grey Goose L'Orange Pumpkin Carver

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I’m not sure why there are spoons in this image. Why are we eating this cocktail instead of drinking it? And why is there pumpkin butter in it? That is so gross. Cool name, though. Find the recipe at About Food.

Pumpkin Fever

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Pumpkin Fever looks like milk with yucky stuff in it, because that’s what it is. It consists of milk, cream, pumpkin liqueur, and spiced rum. No pumpkin puree, though. The puree could have at least given it a more edible color. Find the recipe at About Food.

Death by Pumpkin

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Are you ready for this, pumpkin lovers? This ungodly, goopy drank contains not only pumpkin puree, but also pumpkin spice liqueur and pumpkin ice cream. Ice cream. There is ice cream in this drink and it is pumpkin flavored. Why. Find the recipe at Hungry Couple.
 


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