Readers, are you having trouble picking up the pieces and getting on with your lives, post-Fiesta 2009? Yo tambiÃ©n, fo sho. For one thing, I definitely should have done a Fiesta blog post either during Fiesta (ideal) or just after (acceptable), not late Tuesday afternoon (lame). But, see, I lost my voice somewhere between the Current “Best ofâ?¦” party and Sunday morning, and seeing as how I dictate all my writings into a machine â?¦ uh.
Here are some very awful phone photos of interesting Fiesta stuff. I truly hope this helps you guys work through your post-Fiesta feelings. My post-Fiesta feelings are dominated mainly by extreme confusion, which perhaps y'all can help me with.
#1 KING WILLIAM FAIR PARADE
This is the only official Fiesta event I went to, somehow.
Here's the KWF Parade's co-grand marshal, Annele Spector, also of Jump Start.
Look! It's the Current's own Mark Jones: Calendar editor, contributing writer, cycling enthusiast, recreational jockey-outfit-wearer, and stalk-ee of mysterious orange ball. It's totally like a French movie!
I dig her, but I don't understand her. If anybody knows why this lady was dressed as a stick of butter, do let me know.
This float is a tribute to Burma Shave ad campaigns of yore, and I get that, but I don't get the big silver parachute or whatever up top. Again, speak up if you know what's going on here. “Pie are round?” Is that a thing? Is it a political slogan? Whatever's going on, Butter Woman's interested.
Teacher/theater artist Amy Moeller, in cute Cornyation muckity-muck attire.
Now there's a friendly gentleman! A shout-out to the non-San Antonio world! Come see this absurdity for yourselves!
Mariachis muy jovenes and que awesome!
If my house ever catches fire, I really hope this dog shows up.
I'm including this one for no other reason that people on Segways tickle me. Especially GROUPS of people on Segways. I drive up South Alamo to work, and often see tourists on rented Segways, and the sight never fails to fill me with glee. This is one hard-ass Segway security detail. Cute and authoritative!
Not entirely sure what these Wizard of Oz kids were representing. A school? Themselves? To be honest, I wasn't so good at getting photos of what any of these people represented. I like this Wiz gang though.
I also like this Aztec Queen. It was really hot and muggy outside, yet she was very glam. That headdress rocks. She looks absolutely fantastic altogether. If you know this woman, tell her she's a star.
Put the Aztec Queen together with this Spanish mantilla and hoopskirt wearing DoÃ±a and you've got puro San Anto mestizaje, only with the brutal parts of our history skipped over, and if these two ladies could produce offspring. I'd like to be that offspring. It's like the best of all possible worlds. This seÃ±ora amazed me, again, given the heat, with how smily and put-together she was, in lace guantes, even. Ay I love this town.
Pretty sure this is Thanksgiving-themed pet coffin being driven by a Wolf Man. Like, 98-99% sure. And I am 100% in favor of it, whatever it is. I wonder what the Butter Woman thinks.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I feel like the Eyewitness Newsreel music should be playing about now.
Mark “the Colonel” Schwartzman ON A SEGWAY!!! A pink, Fiesta-y one!
#2 STUFF PEOPLE LEFT AT MY HOUSE DURING FIESTA
Perhaps your friends and loved ones left stuff at your house during Fiesta, so you know how disorienting that can be. Or perhaps you left your stuff at somebody else's house, which can happen easily during our many celebrations during this special time. Perhaps this blog post will remind you to get your stuff back.
â?¦And maybe you left stuff at MY HOUSE! Is this your stuff? Please take a look, and if you see any of your belongings, get in touch with me, which is easy enough.
1. A BICYCLE
This bike was left at my house on Saturday night, locked to a small tree. Is it yours?
It's silver, and has a light on the front. I sort of covet that lock, as I keep my bike in my house.
I read this at first as “Stump Dumper.” I guess it's “Stump Jumper?” Is that a bike term? Also, apparently it's SPECIALIZED for stump-jumping. Is this poular?
It's a boy's bicycle.
2. A SOMBRERO
This handsome sombrero was also left at my house on Saturday night, on my porch. It's well-made and practical, and I would keep it, but I already have one. It's a blue charreada-style sombrero with white and gold trim!
Hecho en Mexico, y marqueado "Sahuayo." Also the number 50. It's not all that big though. I don't really know from hat sizes. ES TUYO, PUES??
Another view of it.
3. AN UMBRELLA
Also, I seem to have this umbrella.
Detail of umbrella handle. A chess horse.
"Aramis." Isn't that a cologne from the 70s? Did this umbrella get to my house through a time warp?
Here's the umbrella, open (but on the porch, not in the house). It would appear to be chess themed. There's little whatever-the-fucks all on it.
You may think you want this umbrella just for a free semi-jazzy umbrella, but be advised: it's semi-broken. Note sticking-out spoke.
4. A FIESTA COIN
I also found this plastic coin on my porch, but I am TOTALLY KEEPING IT, BITCHES! I am only posting this photo IN ORDER TO BRAG!
Yes, these are the same cascarones as above. Yes, it's the same damn jpeg. Anyhow, somebody left this thingy containing a FULL DOZEN CASCARONES at my house! Y'all can't have them, either. I'm gonna dole 'em out, one by precious one, over the next year. I shall cascarone the hell out of random folk in, like, November, and blow all y'all's minds. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I hope you enjoyed this post Fiesta post, y'all. See you next year.