UPDATE: This contest is D-E-A-D over, but the ICP's music will live on in our hearts, and that's the greatest gift of all. Just kidding -- I'm having those parts surgically removed on Friday.
True, it's been out for nearly a month now, so it's not all that new, and faithful Juggalos and (God help us all) Juggalettes will have long since bought ICP's latest, Bang Pow Boom, and soaked it in a bathtub full of Faygo Soda and chicken blood, or whatever the hell you crazy kids do with these albums. (You aren't actually listening to them are you?) But we got a review copy in the mail a few days ago nonetheless, so the record company must think there's somebody out there who still wants this but hasn't bought it yet. I'm not reviewing this record for the same reason I won't review shoving icepicks into my ear canals â?? I'm pretty sure I already know how I'm gonna feel about it â?? but my prejudice is your potential gain.
If you want this still-in-the-package CD, all you've got to do is write an essay of any length explaining the whole "Dark Carnival" mythos thing that informs all the ICP albums. Wikipedia (of course Wikipedia has a page devoted to this) describes the Dark Carnival as "a God-like force with different 'attractions'" including the Carnival of Carnage, the Riddle Box, and the Ringmaster. If I remember correctly from some thing I'm pretty sure I read several years ago, this stuff is all somehow tied to the apocalypse, and possibly the dimensions of Eminem's rectal cavity. Please enlighten me, and we'll post your essay up on the site to teach our readers about the wonders of Juggalodom, as well. Bonus points if you can describe it so that it doesn't sound all insane and retarded.
I hope you'll understand if I want to send you this album through the mail instead of giving it to you in person.