Look at this awesome hovercraft diagram:
When I was a little kid, I envisioned 2010 quite differently. I totally figured on personal hovercrafts like that one up there, and moon colonies and underwater cities and pet Bubos
(slight quibble with Bubo image/joke: that's not the pinche Kraken, it's Medusa!)
I thought for sure that by 2010 Bigfoot and Nessie would totally come out of the closet, and I'd be wearing a lot more zip-up-the-front jumpsuits.
(tauntaun not included)
I believed that in 2010 I'd be in Egypt digging the hell out of some tombs, based on an article in Cricket magazine which described the mummification process that completely obsessed me (did you know they took the dead person's brains out through her NOSE?)
I thought all food would all be in pill form, my asthma would clear up, and that
I also assumed I'd be married to Tom Brokaw by now.
As a little kid, I used to have it BAD for Tom Brokaw, 'til somebody told me that a whole team of people writes the news and he was just the one who got to read it on the Today show. DAMMIT! I THOUGHT HE WAS THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
But seeing as how it's the future anyway, hovercrafts or no, I'm making some "new decade general-improvement and progress plans." I decline to call them "New Year's Resolutions" because that seems to put some people off. Often the same kind of people who are proud of not owning televisions and who talk a shit-ton about yoga.
Rule #1 about yoga: don't talk about yoga.
I actually respect yoga but there is no such thing as a good yoga anecdote. Same with Burning Man. Probably fun in person, but NEVER INTERESTING in conversation. Same with cats, babies and small children, unless you have one/some.
But I digress.
Here are some new decade plans for me, and maybe for you!
1. Become more technologically literate.
I don't like reading instructions, I fear technical language and I have a low tolerance for confusion and frustration, but I like even less how I don't know how to upload a video to this here blog. I wish I could post a video of me learning how to post a video. That would be sweet. I'll work on that as a subset of my tech literacy goal!
All is not lost: I am coming along swimmingly with the Wii! Also, I am teaching myself Garage Band, and while I'm frustrated and it's slow going and I'll likely have to enlist aid, I WILL LEARN GARAGE BAND.
2. Become more financially literate.
I am not terribly financially literate. This, I hear tell from peeps like Suze Orman, is a bad state of affairs, especially for women. I don't understand my taxes hardly, or my 401K, I don't budget effectively, and I never have. I think I saw my heretofore perpetual brokeitude as some kind of badge of arty/boho/hipster honor. What horseshit that is.
Y'all, I'm gonna end up like this lady.
I'd have to lose some weight and move to Moscow, but still.
HUGE DIGRESSION AGAIN: whilst searching for an image of a homeless woman, I came across one who may be the chic-est and most attractive homeless woman I've ever seen:
The photo is from a Salvation Army campaign in South Africa exhorting people to donate their old clothes. That woman may be in a landfill, but she is wearing the hell out of that dress. Making do with what she can. It's goddamn inspiring, is what is is. I'm gonna strive to be less like the Moscow homeless lady, who appears to be more or less at the end of her rope (and to be fair, likely for reasons beyond her control) and more like the South African homeless lady who's scrounging with real elan.
3. Current-related improvement ideas
I intend to learn how to do video and sound pieces, and put 'em on here. Heretofore I've been somewhat intimidated (see #1), but I figure if I put the idea on this blog, maybe y'all will hold me to it, or I'll be embarrassed that I mentioned it without doing anything about it and I'll get off my ass.
Also, if you have video or sound pieces you'd like to share on the Current, please contact me at email@example.com. Rants, makeup demonstrations, dancing, character pieces, alt comedy.
Furthermore, it has been suggested to e several times by various readers that the Current could use a sex column. Something with actual information and issue-addressing, maybe even techniques and concerns. Something brainful to balance out all the titty-bar and bowdlerized sex-worker ads in the back of the book (dear titty bar advertisers et.al.: I am not bad mouthing you. Please continue to help us stay afloat).
Finally, I'd like for more of y'all to write for the Current, and I am not kidding. It's not even the first time I've mentioned it. You can read a whole blog post full of suggestions and guidelines and stuff here. I'd like this paper/electronic medium to reflect as much of San Anto as possible.
Happy New decade, y'all.
There are 2 local bands featuring Mauricio Gudiño you should check out.
I wrote about Mauricio and others in this article awhile back.
Seriously, they're both good.
hovercraft from http://www.freewebs.com/iondynamics/hovercraft.htm
Bubo 'cartoon' from http://www.seibertron.com
Homeless woman in wedding dress from http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2007/any-old-clothes-will-do-for-salvation-army/
Support Local Journalism.
Join the San Antonio Current Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the San Antonio Press Club for as little as $5 a month.