This pumpkin shit has really gotten out of hand and, to prove it to you, we have compiled a list of the nastiest pumpkin dranks that actually exist and that you shouldn't even consider enjoying this Thanksgiving. Seriously, don’t. Why are people even writing these recipes? You’re better than that. Just eat some pumpkin pie like a normal person, and enjoy a Thanksgiving cocktail that actually tastes good and doesn't look like something you wipe off your floor after a party. Try these Thanksgiving cocktails instead.
Pumpkin Pie Martini
Mmm, pumpkin puree in a martini glass. This cocktail is a low carb version of pumpkin pie. It’s full of heavy cream and rum and looks like a cat threw up in a glass. Enjoy. Find the recipe at All I Dream About Food.
Pumpkin Pie Shooters
These nasty little concoctions are made with pumpkin pie spice coffee creamer, whipped cream vodka and—you guessed it—pumpkin puree. According to the recipe, alcohol is optional in these babies so you could skip the vodka altogether and just drink a tiny mason jar full of creamer and pumpkin instead! Yum. Find the recipe at A Night Owl.
Boozy Pumpkin White Hot Chocolate
This drink is probably the least gag-inducing cocktail on the list, because it’s hot chocolate and hot chocolate is pretty much always good. The addition of pumpkin might even be delicious. Or it could be terrible—I'm too scared to drink it. Find the recipe at Minimalist Baker.
Spiced Pumpkin Horchata
While the addition of pumpkin could be yummy in hot chocolate, it seems totally weird to add it to a mug of thick, warm horchata. Maybe it is the lack of chocolate in the drink, I don’t know. Find the recipe at Slim Pickin's Kitchen.
Pumpkin Punch with Cinnamon-Infused Rum
First of all, this punch looks like soup. It is essentially an alcoholic pumpkin soup, full of ice and sweetened condensed milk. And rum. Excuse me while I go ralph. Find the recipe at Serious Eats.