Single this Valentine's Day? Don't worry, we've got you. Check out these fine establishments for all your Tinder swiping next weekend.
Coyote Ugly: Valentine's Day is weird; let's face it. There are expectations to be met and tears to be shed, and a whole lot of fanegaling, too. If you want to get the party started before the madness of February 14, Coyote Ugly is hosting a Pre-Valentine Bitter Bash & Black Hearts Affair for singles and couples alike, and attendees are encouraged (if not expected) to wear all black, or leather and lace. You know it's going to get ugly. Prices vary, call for times, 409 E. Commerce St., (210) 465-8459, coyoteuglysaloon.com
The Hoppy Monk: For singles all over the world, Valentine's Day is quite possibly the single least accommodating holiday of the year. You can't go out, you can't stay in (without feeling irrevocably tragic) and god knows you shouldn't text the weirdo that's been bugging you since that Christmas party. Goddamn it, enjoy your single-ness on the one day that you're not supposed to – or technically, the day before you're not supposed to – at The Hoppy Monk. Their Anti-Valentine's Day Oyster & Beer "Hook Up" will feature love-inspired taps from Santan and Adelbert's and live music from Ribo Flavin. Singles win this time, fuckers.
Prices vary, February 13-14, 1010 N. Loop 1604 E., (210) 545-3330, thehoppymonk.com
Bowl & Barrel: If you want to act up with a drink in your cup, sticking it to your ex man or woman on Valentine's Day, Bowl & Barrel is the place to be. The posh bowling alley is commemorating Singles Awareness Day and inviting all singles, particularly, the single ladies, to come out and bowl with shredded pictures of their former lovers in exchange for a free drink. Ladies also dine for free from 6 p.m. until 10 p.m. Without a doubt, Beyoncé would approve. 17619 La Cantera Pkwy., Suite 102, (210) 920-1102, bowlandbarrel.com
The DoSeum: There's honestly never a bad time to go to The DoSeum, but especially not the day before Valentine's Day! The museum is throwing a "ReDo Recess: Catch Your Crush" party in the spirit of adolescent novelty, featuring games, crafts and the whole shebang. You can bring your high school sweetheart, your office crush, your longtime boyfriend or girlfriend orrrr you can be like the rest of us and see what Cupid has in store for you upon attending ... $17, 6-9pm, 2800 Broadway, (210) 212-4453, facebook.com/events
The Amp Room: Perhaps the best way to avoid Valentine's Day altogether is to attend the David Bowie tribute at The Amp Room February 13. Tune out about everything gaudy and cringe-worthy regarding Valentine's Day, and instead, listen to local bands cover fan-favorite songs from the one and only Starman. No cover, 9pm, 2407 N. St. Mary's St., (210) 320-2122, facebook.com/events
The Brooklynite: Will also celebrate the life and times of Bowie with an I <3 Bowie Valentine's Day tribute complete with costumed bartenders, themed cocktails and Starman songs and films. Prices vary, 9pm, 516 Brooklyn Ave., (210) 444-0707, facebook.com/TheBrooklynite.
The Old Main Assoc.: The new Old Main is reaching out the single-folk of San Antone this Valentine's Day and hosting a Buckets & Bubbles night on Saturday, February 13. The cost is $29 for four pieces and a bottle of rosé or brut cava, and $2 sides. Bring all the single friends.
5pm-1am, 2512 N. Main Ave, (210) 562-3440.