Mr. Rupert Murdoch, Chairman and CEO
1211 Avenue of the Americas, 8th Floor
New York, New York 10036
Estimado Don Rupert:
I have gleaned many truths from the life and works of my idol, Che Guevara, including this gem: Always stay one step - and two book deals - ahead of your adversaries. And so I write to offer you the singular opportunity to publish my memoir, All I Really Need to Know I Learned at Harvard Law School: Testimonio of a Chicano Activist Lawyer.
AIRNTKILAHLS is a brutally frank yet touchingly innocent coming-of-age story in the tradition of Oscar Zeta Acosta's Autobiography of a Brown Buffalo and Luis Rodriguez's Always Running: La Vida Loca. The book begins with my grandfather's harrowing but certifiably legal journey from Mexico to the United States (Chapter 1: "Next Stop: Gringolandia") and then discusses my birth in San Antonio (Chapter 2: "And They Shall Call Him Wonderful Counselor"). Other chapters highlight my advanced studies in Chicano history and legal theory at Rice and Harvard (Chapter 5: "¡Pásame la Chardonnay, Buffy!"), my fierce loyalty to the Bush clan (Chapter 7: "The Tan-Free Way to a Browner Nose"), and my unyielding passion for civil liberties (Chapter 13: "You Have the Right to Remain Tortured").
If AIRNTKILAHLS were a work of fiction, you might call it the Great Américan Novel. I expect the book to be a tremendous popular success. (Can you say "Oprah"?) Legendary Chicana and Chicano activists and writers - including Dolores Huerta, Sandra Cisneros, and Scooter Libby - have agreed to furnish memorable blurbs. What's more, thanks to a little-known provision of the No Child Left Behind Act, AIRNTKILAHLS will soon be required reading for all public-high-school students.
Finally, the book was practically written for the big screen. If Ashton Kutcher is unavailable, I might agree to being played by Antonio Banderas.
Alberto Gonzales c/s