Dear Readers: Your faithful Mexican is putting the final touches on his coming magnum opus, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (out April 2012) and is thus at the rancho, getting handmade tortillas made by his chica in pigtails while he works on rewrites. But instead of a Best Of columna, I’ve decided to print excerpts from one of my all-time favorite reader interactions. Remember back in 2007, when I asked ustedes who are half-Mexican and half-something else to tell us what you call yourselves? The brilliant, hilarious responses offered show how genius the Mexi brain truly is. Space doesn’t allow your local rag to print all the responses, but below are just some of the best. You can find the full list online — in the meanwhile, enjoy and see you in una semana!
If you’re half-Mexican and ...
Half-Arab: Garbanzo beaner, America’s worst nightmare
Half-Australian: Aussican, Dingoles (say like frijoles), Fosters Especial, Mexi-roo, Ortegamite, Wallican
Half-Black: Black beans, Blaxican, Bro-Vato, Choco-Taco, Choligger, Mack, Mexiblack, Mexicoon, Negrexican, Tino Noir, Watermexican, Wetblack
Half-British: Limey beans
Half-Cajun: Bayou Beaner, Mexi-Gumbo, Mexicajun, Red Beans & Rice
Half-Chinese: Chexican, Chinacan, Chinkano, Combination Plate, Mexinese, rice ’n’ beans, soy bean
Half-Costa Rican: Mextica (“tico” is a nickname for Costa Ricans)
Half-Czech: Czecano, Czex-Mex, Czexican, Mexislovakian
Half-Filipino: ChicaPina (for Chicana and Pinay, which is a Tagalog slang term for Filipina), Chilipino, Filixan, Filitino, Flipamex, Flippican, JalaPinoy, Mexipino
Half-Gabacho: Amerilanga (combination of American and chilanga, nickname for someone from Mexico City), Caucano, Chicangüera, Gabaxicano, GMC (Gringo-Mexico cross), Güerexican, Latinglo, Mexiglos, Mixican, Pochingo (half-pocho, half-gringo), Whispanic, white bean
Half-German: Beanerschnitzel, chili kraut, Germexican, wiener beaner
Half-Greek: Greexican, Grec-Mex, Mexi-eek (I never said all of the nicknames were clever).
Half-Guamanian: Chamexorro (Guam natives are called Chamorros), Guamexican
Half-Guatemalan: Chapano (chapínis a nickname for Guatemalans), Guacamex.
Half-Hawaiian: Jalapiña, pineapple salsa
Half-Indian (the India kind): Curry tamale
Half-Indian (the Indian kind): Apachichano, Cherocano, Cheyennexican, Commanchano, Mexiskin (half-Mexican, half-Redskin), Navacano, Navajole, Navajo Taco
Half-Irish: Celtic Aztec, green bean, Irlandicanos, Leprecano, McBeaner, McSpic, Mick Spic, O’Beaner, Paddy-Mex
Half-Italian: Mexican pizza, Mexitalian, Spicawop, Spic-talian, Wopsican
Half-Jamaican: Jamexican, Rastacan
Half-Japanese: Japanic, Mexanese
Half-Jewish: Jalapeño bagel, Jumex (also the name of a delicious Mexican fruit nectar drink), Kahlua-jewa, kosher burrito, Mexi-Jew
Half-Korean: Kimchicano, Kimchinero, Korexican, Mexirean
Half-Lebanese: Lebxican, Mediterraxican, Mexiterranean (for those from the Mediterranean region in general)
Half-Lithuanian: Baltican, Baltic pepper, Lexican, Mexicainis, Mexiuanian
Half-Michigander: Michicano, Mixicano
Half-Norwegian: Lutefiskan, Mexinorske, Norskecan.
Half-Oklahomian: Chokies, Okie-Frijoles
Half-Peruvian: Lima Bean
Half-Polish: Bean Pole, Polo-Cholo, Polexican, Polexiqui (this particular gal was Yaqui Indian on her Mexican side; she also called herself a Mexipolaqui), Taco Polaco
Half-Portuguese: Mexi-guese, Pork and beans.
Half-Puerto Rican: Bori-Mex, Messyrican, Mexiricaña, MexiRican, Porto-Mex
Half-Redneck: Rednexican, Redback, Wetnec
Half-Russian: Brown Russian
Half Scandinavian: Hispandinavian
Half-Scottish: McRiguez, Scottsican
Half-Somali: Hot Somali
Half-Swiss: Swexican, Swexicano
Half-Ukrainian: Borscheros, Cossackeros, Kievicans, Pysankeros
Half-White: Honky-Tonk, Gringateca, Mejiyanqui, Mexi-melts, Whics