Special tortilla contest edition
Dear Readers: Gracias, merci, obrigado for the many submissions in our contest asking readers to argue in 25 words why corn tortillas are superior to flour, or vice versa. Below are the winners for some of the cities that carry the Mexican; read the full list at sacurrent.com. Don’t see your city, or don’t like the winner? Why didn’t you enter, you lazy Mexican?
SEATTLE: Any tortilla mi abuelita makes is good.
ST. LOUIS: Corn tortillas are superior. Flour tortillas were only invented because stupid gringos were getting sick eating corn tortillas because they forgot the lime water step.
PHILADELPHIA: I cannot pick one/Corn or flour I have won/I love my torts! Yum!
NEW YORK: Corn tortillas come from the domain of the Aztec diosa, Chicomecoátl. Has anyone heard of a goddess of flour? Flour tortillas are malnourished arepas. ¡Guácala!
SALT LAKE CITY: Corn is native to the Americas, wheat is an import. Besides, corn masa wears out your teeth faster so you can replace them with gold.
EL PASO: Corn tortillas, because you can use them for more dishes — and, if you mess up when frying them, you can then use them as Frisbees.
TULSA: Flavor? Corn rules. Versatility? Corn version wins with tostadas, chilaquiles, enchiladas, chips, flautas, or tacos. The flour tortilla improves only after eating the competition’s dust.
EUGENE: I am gluten intolerant. Corn tortillas do not make my ass bleed. Also, they don’t taste like that paste stuff kids use in elementary school.
LAS VEGAS: Flour Tortillas are greater than Corn/The latter type deserves only Scorn/Corn Tortillas do Naught but Annoy/Flour Tortillas are soft discs of Joy!
DALLAS: Mexicans suffer more from diabetes. Flour spikes glucose like a shot of tequilla. Not so with corn. So they are better. Not funny, just true.
LOUISVILLE: At my supermarket, flour tortillas come in three sizes. If they are better than corn tortillas, why are they still trying to get them right?
HOUSTON: You get more corn tortillas per package at a cheaper price. So it is easier to feed the many mouths us Mexicans are known for.
KANSAS CITY: Corn tortillas are better because flour tortillas are like the gabachos — plain and boring — yet corn tortillas come in many colors and sizes like Mexicans.
ALBUQUERQUE: Real Mexicans eat real homemade corn tortillas. Pasty, white Mexicans eat processed flour tortillas made at the gabacho Mexican restaurants. Then they get food poisoning.
TUCSON: Flour tortillas are better because La Virgen only appears on the flour tortillas. If it’s good enough for La Virgen, it’s good enough for me.
LOS ANGELES: Is this a trick question? No one who has ever had a genuine, fresh handmade corn tortilla should ever have to ask such a pregunta!
EVEN CANADA!!!: Corn tortillas are the best because they are the only homemade kind you can get in Calgary, from Tres Marias. Icky Safeway ones don’t count.
SAN ANTONIO: I’ll take flour tortillas. Who needs a healthy tortilla or heart? Save corn for ethanol, and the pinche environment. Mexicanos need to stay fat, anyways.
ORANGE COUNTY: Why are corn tortillas better than flour? First and foremost, flour is way unhealthier than corn. More importantly, because I fucking said so. The end.