I don’t know what’s more pitiful, the fact that Shatner’s not been invited to play spaceship again with Leonard Nimoy in J.J. Abrams’s Star Trek movie, or that Abrams’s Lost cast still can’t lay off the sauce. Are there no other interesting island vices? Are Hawaiian drinking establishments just that lax about over-serving?

For every Daniel Dae Kim (the latest), Michelle Rodriguez, and Cynthia Watros charged with a DUI, does a bar door hit the poor, tired, fired behind of some cocktail waitress or waiter? Those are the real stories, the stories I want to tell. (Yes, I smell spin-off!)

In the meantime, actors, here are some other fun, non-life-threatening tropical activities my friends have told me about (enjoy them while you can, Daniel, word is the Lost Curse is a bitch): scuba-diving, sandcastle building (turrets shaped like tequila bottles!), seashell collecting, helicopter riding, and the always-stylish parasailing.

Those pining for Lost’s 2008 return can busy themselves with yesteryear’s mindfuck TV (That should be a channel!) series Twin Peaks. The “definitive gold box edition” — which includes the formerly impossible-to-acquire season one — was released on October 30. XO.

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