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Dear Uncle Mat


I have been kinda seeing this guy and I was nice and gave him a second chance, sorta. We started out fine with a few dates, but my interest was waning. He told me he understood if I wasn’t interested and I said that I was, even though I
kinda wasn’t very interested. It’s just that he is very nice and super-cute and I thought I should give him a chance, because I could have been more interested than I thought I was. Now he totally made me mad and said he can understand if I’m flaky because I am busy with work and school. I am not a flake! He called me a flake and now I want out, but I told him I was interested and what do I do now? I totally draw the line at being called a flake. I am unsure of what he is even speaking about, but I am definitely certain I am not interested anymore.

— Uugh, Boys

Dear Uugh,

Boys are stupid. This is why so many of them are single. Men are smarter and that is why more of them have mates and stuff. For future reference, please date men. (Unless you’re underage, in which case date boys and good luck with that.) I strongly advise against “kinda” relationships. Vague relationships are doomed. Date the dude or don’t. When a guy says he understands your lack of interest, one of three things is happening: He has low self-esteem and wants reassurance. He is losing interest in you and is hoping you feel the same. OR (pay attention) he has noticed your actual lack of interest and is giving you an out. This was your sign. An open door. You were losing interest and he noticed and then you lied because he was “super cute.” Uugh. Girls.

I realize you were being nice and didn’t want to hurt his feelings and maybe felt obligated to try harder because he likes you. NO! He previously took your actions as a sign of disinterest. You dismissed this explanation, so he must create a new hypothesis. He decides you are a flake. Now you want out, but are afraid you look like a fink. Oops.

That is a danger of lying to be nice. Sometimes it is harmless and works great. Sometimes, not so much. Eat a little crow. Apologize for making him feel like you are a flake. Assure him you are not one, but that your actions most likely speak for your feelings, and you would like to stop dating (or whatevering) him. He might be mad and call you a flake and a liar. Move on and know that you’ll both get over it.

Much love and truth,

Your Uncle Mat

This requires immediate response! I found a maggot in my bathroom, so I bleached everything. Last night I came home to find a pile of dead maggots in my bathroom. I freaked and called the landlady and my boyfriend. The landlady said they were termites, “nothing to worry about,” and is sending the exterminator out today. My boyfriend cleaned up the mess and took me to his place for the night. These are not termites. There are flies in the apartment and I know what a maggot looks like. Why is this happening? What do I do?

— F’in Creeped Out

Dear Yucky,

Marry your boyfriend. He cleaned up a pile of dead maggots from your bathroom. That’s better than giving a kidney to your dying little brother. Then, listen to the exterminator. He’ll clear up the maggot/termite debate. I should think that termites are something to worry about as well, though. I can’t say for sure why this is happening, but I have three guesses: 1) There is a dead critter in the wall and there is a totally natural (and gross) Discovery-Channel life-cycle thing happening. 2) Your neighbor has a really big secret and you are about to be quoted on the local news saying, “He was so nice and quiet. I had no idea.” 3) It’s the end of the world. California is burning. Check your friends for stigmata and watch for Jesus in your toast or other signs.

Much luck and cleanliness,

Your Uncle Mat

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at dear or
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