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Dear Uncle Mat


I wanted to tell you about me and that guy I wrote you about a while back. Perplexed by love here, remember me? Anyways, our friendship is stronger than ever and we keep getting closer. The other night we got everything out on the table and he told me it was him. Yeah, we have all heard that before. However, I believe him. He told me I am beyond datable. Everything about me he just loves and he would be more than happy to be in a relationship with me. However, he just does not see a serious relationship fitting in his life right now. Although I still am left with the same answer as before, I feel good about our friendship and time spent together. So, basically, I just wanted to thank you for your advice. I have been dating other men and enjoying life, so no worries there.

Hope all is well. Lots of love,

— Perplexed (No More)

Dear Friend,

Thanks for keeping in touch. I am sharing this letter with everyone to spread a little love during the holidays and to show that I am not a total hack. Go team! I am glad you have moved on and are dating. I wish you well with it and hope to hear from you when the “other men” produce the “new man” in your life. Until then, play safe and fair. Happy New Year!

Much love and admiration,

Your Uncle Mat

Dear Kids,

Happy Holidays! As the New Year approaches I find myself reflecting on the past year and planning for the next one. I was recently dumped (Ouch! I know, but it’s all good), and while pondering this mishap realized I had met one of my resolutions for this year. I had a boyfriend! The subsequent losing of the boyfriend was unfortunate, but I can still be happy! (Well, I am.) My other goal was to finish school and find something to do besides tend bar with my degree. This also is going well. Don’t worry. I am done congratulating myself. I am merely introducing my guide to successful New Year’s resolutions for 2008!

I used to not make resolutions because I never kept them and then felt like shit. Clearly this was the fault of the tradition and not me, but it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, so in recent years I decided to accept the responsibility of improving the situation. These are the rules I employ:

First, keep your resolutions open-ended and even vague. This way you can more easily interpret success in your goals. Success, they say, begets more success. I made the goal of dating seriously in hopes of finding a boyfriend. Dating seriously was an easy goal to achieve: Don’t stay at home alone watching TV, and do something other than just drink before sleeping with a guy. (I also made that handy Mate Finder 2000 kit and tried internet dating.) The boyfriend followed naturally.

Not adding any restrictions to the boyfriend goal makes getting dumped a minor misfortune, not a tragic failure. For example, resolve to be healthier with the goal of losing some weight in 2008. That’s easy; then make a list of little goals, like eat more vegetables, go for walks, drink more tea, laugh more, etc. This way, when the weight doesn’t magically disappear, you can still be

Second, make resolutions to do things instead of not do things. The new positive activity will hopefully help replace the bad habits. For instance, this year I am going to go to the library more. Notice the vague modifier “more.” I didn’t say I was going to read more books or watch less TV, but I hope that will result from the easy activity of going to the library. My library branch is just four blocks away, so I’ll walk more and probably stop at the trendy coffee shop across the street filled with attractive gay men. Now I’m exercising, drinking tea, and dating again!

The library is also free, which helps with my other general goal of working toward establishing greater financial stability. I don’t even know what that means to me yet, but I am sure I can do it!

Good luck with your personal evolution, and be sure to and tell me all about it.

Much love and a kick-ass new year,

Your Uncle Mat

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at dear or Your true identity is safe with him.

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