Hi. Since you are the advice guru, I need your advice about my girlfriend. I love her more than anything but I hardly ever hear from her. We will talk/text for a few weeks, and then for the next few weeks I hear NOTHING from her. I have told her it bothers me, and she always vows to try harder. This pattern is wearing me out mentally and emotionally. I never thought I could hate someone I love. What should I do? What makes things worse is she is still in the closet and I’m out and proud.
We have been together for almost nine months. She is bi and I’m 100-percent lesbian. Things were good for the first six months or so. I had a job, a car, etc. I quit my job because of anti-gay remarks and my car was stolen. My girlfriend has been on my ass about getting a car and a day job. I’m DJ-ing now and she hates it cuz girls flirt with me. It’s like I can’t win with her.
What to do?
Dear 100 Percent,
That is the most information I have ever received in such a short letter. Possibly you could parlay your pithiness into a day job? Court-reporting or weather girl? Of course, you shouldn’t get a day job unless you want and need one. As long as you can pay the bills as a DJ and you are fulfilled, it is your “day job.” If your girlfriend’s sole objection is the dance-floor groupies throwing their panties at your booth, she will need to work on controlling her jealousy and finding a couple more bullet points to back up her argument for another line of work.
Now, about this car business. I can only assume that if she doesn’t talk to you for weeks on end, she isn’t driving your ass around. Again, I vote none of her business. Granted, this is Texas and as a general rule people own cars, but the times are changing now and it is not only acceptable to not own a car, but in some circles cool. Might I suggest a scooter or at least a fuel-efficient car? Gas may be cheaper than a $2 whore again, but polar bears are still dying at an alarming rate — just ask Noah Wyle. Bicycles are also really hot right now, good for your health, and affordable on any budget. Work out a transportation solution that you like, not that your absentee girlfriend demands when she happens to remember to call you.
Finally, what are you trying to win from her? Regular phone calls? Hope that one day she’ll love you enough to come out of the closet? This shit just doesn’t happen. Well, not like that. She isn’t out of the closet and she doesn’t call you because you are not an important relationship in her life. It makes little sense to make someone a priority who treats you as a matter of convenience. Why do you love her? What do you want, expect, and deserve in a relationship? I am not saying she is an evil bitch to loathe and despise, but maybe she falls short of relationship material. I find it hard to believe anyone is destined to be with another person who makes them miserable. She may need your friendship, but she clearly isn’t ready for a relationship.
What do you want for yourself? The beginning of a new year is a great time to focus on fresh starts and self-improvement. You need to let go of last year’s unhappy events and move forward. Job discrimination is still an unfortunate reality for homosexuals, but not the norm. You cannot hide from a bad experience. If DJ-ing is your calling, get after it. If not, it’s time to start pursuing a new job. Maybe go back to school? Your current job leaves a lot of time for classes during the day. Then perhaps you should start flirting with one of those cuties with a song request.
Much love and happiness,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at
email@example.com, myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.