On Easter I started sleeping with a guy who is on the rebound. We were acquaintances before with a few mutual friends and found ourselves drunk and in the sack. He had just broken up with his boyfriend the week before. At the time he was still calling the guy and driving by his house and crying and kind of freaking out. I thought I was just having fun and being a healthy distraction. Once he got over the trauma and started behaving like a rational person again, we started dating. A couple of beers and then a roll in the sheets became sleepovers. He started calling me “babe,” and we have gone biking together and out to dinner and the movies. He even switched to my gym. I totally fell for all of this and him. Now he is pushing me away. He changed his workout schedule so it doesn’t match mine, and the last two “dates” have gone back to the original situation with cocktails, sex, and a thank you before he hits the door running. I went to the gym the other day at his new usual time to find him chatting up this twink on a treadmill. How did this happen? Is this my fault? I was just trying to be a good guy and have a little fun, and he lead me to believe it was something else. Do I just walk away and accept that he used me? I really think he is a great guy and would love to be in a relationship with him.
— A Nice Guy Done Wrong
P.S. I am five years younger than him, hot and a total upgrade from his last boyfriend
Dear Mr. Nice Guy Done Wrong,
At least your self-esteem is still in tact. Getting drunk and picking up emotionally wounded men on Easter doesn’t really sound like a good idea. The rest of us who have pondered this precarious activity can now thank you for bravely, if unwisely, testing these waters.
This guy must really be hot, or you are some kind of gay martyr or horny fool to sleep with him repeatedly while he was still stalking his ex. You clearly don’t watch enough Lifetime Television to know that these things can go really poorly for the nice guy scooping up the rebound sex. Men with broken hearts should not be trusted with guns, marriage proposals, or their penises — or anyone else’s penis for that matter.
But this situation isn’t actually anyone’s fault, because there is no fault in the situation. You see, sometimes when two men get drunk and have sex, they like it, and they have more sex and then, sometimes, one or both men fall in love even though they thought they were just having sex.
Sure, the gym card and bike-riding can get really romantic and confusing, but it doesn’t sound like he intentionally misled you. He never told you he wanted more than a fling did he? The endearing term “babe” is hardly an engagement ring, and in my book it’s a sign that the guy is not going to work out. A man should not call another man babe until after cohabitation begins. I’m just saying.
I think you should give him some space. He is not so subtly letting you know he wants to stretch his legs and roam a bit or even move on. Let him play the field a little; and keep in touch, but don’t stalk him. You might also cut off the sex. He can only use you if you let him. If you are the catch you sell yourself as, he will eventually tire of the twinks on the treadmills and find his way back to you. Or he may just really prefer a twink. If so, there are plenty of other holidays, bottles of vodka, and devastated hearts to be picked up. Or you could look for a new way to find a date. I’m just saying.
Much luck and love,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org, myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.