I use the internet to date and hook up on occasion. I make no secret of this, either. I am very respectful of the people I date and sleep with and don’t discuss my exploits in detail and never gossip about the men I meet and/or date. I have run into not one, not two, but three conflicts recently and I am not sure how I should react to any of them, if at all. I like my privacy, so I am reluctant to do anything to disrupt others. I just don’t want to stir up drama and put myself in the middle.
First, a guy I slept with about two months ago has since met friends of mine through his job, and after we all collided at cocktails a few weeks ago, he told them all about our encounter. He is kind of kinky and I “humored” him. Now my friends won’t stop teasing me. What do I tell them and this guy?
Second and third are related thematically. I have met two guys online that are in relationships and looking for something on the side. I know their significant others. One is married and the other has a boyfriend. The guy with a boyfriend asked me to not say anything and offered that it was “best” we not hook up since we know each other socially. The married guy’s wife works with my best friend in a large office. I met him at my friend’s annual Christmas party. He, on the other hand, didn’t really recognize me. When I told him I had met him through his wife, he said he vaguely remembers me from the party, but he was so hot for my friend (who hasn’t and wouldn’t sleep with him) he forgot. He said we should get together since I know now. I told him I only sleep with single guys. He offered to blow me if I promised not to tell. Should I tell on these guys?
I feel like my perfect playground is ruined. I am thinking of just quitting using the internet for dating and sex, but I am not sure how or where I would and could go to meet guys so easily.
— My life interrupted
Wow. Your internet dating life is so much more interesting than mine. I am relieved, intimidated, and to be honest, just a little jealous. I am still adjusting to the fact that “younger” men seeking “older” men are increasingly checking out my profile and asking me out. I used to be the “younger” guy. OK, that was my two-second birthday whine; back to you.
Let the first one go. Send an email to the hookup and tell him it was fun, but you prefer not to discuss your exploits in full color with others, including your friends. Ask your friends to chill out a little, but the bigger deal you make of it, the funnier they are going to find it. I know this from both sides: Ask my old roommates about my tail and my best friend how many times she has hit me when I am drunk.
Number two and three are trickier. I would say it’s really none of your business as long as you are not close friends with either significant other. You stumbled across the information and sharing it will directly affect your personal life. You have a right to your privacy and not wanting to entangle yourself in unpleasant and salacious relationships is the reason you didn’t just invite them both to join you for an all-adulterous three-way. Now, if you are confronted or asked by their other halves if you saw them online, I do not think it is right to lie. It’s OK to keep the answer short and/or vague, however.
If you don’t know how, where, or why to meet men in person, you probably should take an internet break. It seems that you can already meet these guys at your average happy hour or holiday party, but you are becoming one of those individuals who stays home on a Friday night just to “hang out” on Facebook. It’s a beautiful day! Now, get out there and get some sun with that dick.
Much love and a simpler lust life,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org, myspace.com/ yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.