Dear Uncle Mat,
I am going on my first solo business trip next month for a week, and I am hoping to have a fling or even just get laid. I know that might seem a bit shallow, but I think it sounds fun and exciting. I am single, so I won’t be cheating.
What I need help on is how to meet another guy to actually have the sex with. The movies always make it seem simple: Have a few drinks in the hotel bar, strike up a conversation with another lone business looking type and the next thing you know, you are up in someone’s room having wild sex all over the place.
First off, they are usually heterosexual couples in the movies and second, I am pretty shy. I am young and good looking, so I think that won’t be the problem, but how do you chat up a stranger and find out if they want what you want? I also don’t want to hit on a straight dude and get beat up or reported to the hotel.
So, anyways, I was hoping you could give me some pointers for picking up some businessman trade while on the road.
Horny on the road
Thank you, because I am still laughing. Not at you, but at the idea that I am somehow qualified to give lessons in hotel pickups. As an advice columnist, I don’t even get a bus pass, let alone the opportunity to travel. Fortunately, I have a day job and have traveled once or twice, watched a few movies myself, and also know there are a few options beyond just fishing in the hotel bar.
I’m not actually sure what your “style” is, but none of your approaches or moves should be so abrupt or crass to result in getting beat up or “reported” to the hotel (I’m not even sure that happens). I’m not saying there aren’t individuals out there who are prejudiced, mean, or prone to overreact to an advance from another man, but you should, and can, get a feel for someone’s temperament in general conversation before you even hint at your ulterior motives. Take it easy and find out about your new friend before diving at his crotch. Be casual and friendly, not lecherous.
Got gaydar? Use some discretion.
There are also some other options. Look online and see if there are any gay bars near your hotel. Or find the gay bars and then book your hotel near one. It’s usually true that traveling straight businessmen rarely go to gay bars to just have a drink. That is what the hotel bar is for. Gay bars, however, generally have gay men in them. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. If you are cute and you wear your suit or business clothes out, you’ll attract some attention fairly quickly. I have shopped myself an out-of-towner in a local watering hole or two back in my youth. Feeling shy? Well, saddle up within ear shot of a cute guy or two and then casually mention to the bartender that you are in town for work and want recommendations for good restaurants in the area.
You can also place an ad or use a gay “dating” site to find guys in the area. The Internet has everything! Even sex! Check out Grindr, for instance, an iPhone app which features geo-locating TK for easy hookups. This helps take the chance out of the game. Sure it lacks the excitement of the chase and pickup, but it does negotiate out the guaranteed sex you want. You can probably find someone who will even have the drink at the hotel bar first. Maybe another horny traveler?
If you think it is too dull and easy, remember that sometimes people meet people on the internet and kill them in their hotel rooms. Or just mug them. It’s still got game.
Really: Just relax, be yourself, be careful, and have safe sex if you get some. Don’t force an awkward or bad situation. Remember it’s your first business trip and hopefully not your last. Be open to the possibility and it will happen when and if it should.
Much love and a little excitement on the road,
Your Uncle Mat
P.S. If you really want a set deal, you could just hire an escort. They are also available on the internet or in the back of local entertainment and alternative publications and come in all shapes and sizes. Hustlers are people, too.