Dear Uncle Mat,
My boyfriend and I are new in town, and are at a loss for how to make some gay friends. We are educated professionals with busy work schedules. He travels regularly, as well. We don’t like gay bars and San Antonio doesn’t really have a gay area or other central locations where gays congregate. We looked at some websites, but it seems those are all sex-based, and we are not looking for those kinds of friends. What do regular gay dudes do in this town? We are outgoing, friendly, and social by nature, but need a guide or a map to get us started. Your column is a favorite since our arrival and I thought why not ask Uncle Mat?
Lonely in SA
You’re right — there isn’t a central gay-borhood or gathering point in San Antonio. (Well, there is the secret clubhouse, but you need references, a password, and the secret handshake before anyone will tell you where it is. I still don’t have a card … ) Seriously, the best thing about San Antonio is you don’t just have to go to one place. We hang out everywhere, with everyone.
Knowing some of your interests would help here, but I’ll just make a few general suggestions:
How about theater and art? Homos always like the cultural stuff. Flock to it. Go early, stay late, and mingle till it hurts.
Who cuts your hair? If it isn’t a he, or he isn’t gay, he or she still cuts hair. Hairstylists always know where to find ’mos.
You just missed Fiesta Cornyation, which is possibly the largest annual gathering of our people and our friends in this city. Check cornyation.org for next year’s info.
Most good restaurants and bars in the central or downtown area serve a noticeable percentage of queer clientele. At the risk of making some folks annoyed by not naming their favorite spot, I will just throw out Sparky’s Pub, W.D. Deli, and MadHatters as casual eateries where I run into many of my favorite hometown homos. Maybe some of our readers could be so kind as to post their favorite spots in the online comments for you.
It’s a bit like a dysfunctional family in the South: Politically backasswards about legal rights, but socially we are still a family and all hang out together. Go figure.
Much love and friendship,
Your Uncle Mat
Dear Uncle Mat,
My best friend has totally turned on me and I don’t know what to do. She has started telling people I am a bitch and a liar. She tried to convince my boyfriend to dump me because I was almost unfaithful, which I wasn’t. I danced with a guy at a party when I was drunk and afterwards told her I was glad she was there because the guy was cute and really flirtatious. I didn’t mean I would have cheated, just that it was nice to have a block. Another friend confronted her for me and she told her that she was just sick of all of my bullshit. Like I am supposed to know what that means? She is just being juvenile and mean, and I don’t know why. Should I dump her and leave her to rot in her own hatred, or should I confront her and stop this evil cycle?
This sounds a bit like the drama club took over cheerleading practice. If you are in high school, I mean no offense — I am just saying that this particular conflict is hard to comprehend from my perspective. What is your bullshit? What is hers? Everyone has some. Friends are just the people who see all of our good qualities, and feel that they outweigh the other crap that comes with it.
If you want her as a friend, call her up, tell her you’re sorry for whatever you did to sour the relationship, and ask her to share her feelings about it with you. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Maybe she’s just gone off the deep end and you will need to let the friendship go. It may be that you have hurt her without meaning to, and will need to make some amends.
If you don’t want the friendship back, then move on, but take the high road. Let her burn the bridge; you just walk away with some dignity.
Much love and less drama,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org, myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.