ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Happiness sneaks through a door you didn't know that you left open," said actor John Barrymore. I hope you've left open a lot of those doors, Aries. The more there are, the happier you will be. This is the week of all weeks when joy, pleasure, and even zany bliss are likely to find their ways into your life from unexpected sources and unanticipated directions. If you're lucky, you also have a few forgotten cracks and neglected gaps where fierce delights and crisp wonders can come wandering in.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What state of mind do you desire the most? What is the quality of being that you aspire to inhabit more and more as you grow older? Maybe it's the feeling of being deeply appreciated, or the ability to see things as they really are, or an intuitive wisdom about how to cultivate vibrant relationships. I invite you to set an intention to cultivate this singular experience with all your passion and ingenuity. The time is right. Make a pact with yourself.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Like Metallica jamming with Nicki Minaj and Death Cab for Cutie on a passage from Mozart's opera The Magic Flute, you are redefining the meanings of the words "hybrid," "amalgam," and "hodgepodge." You're mixing metaphors with panache. You're building bridges with cheeky verve. Some of your blends are messy mishmashes, but more often they are synergistic successes. With the power granted to me by the gods of mixing and matching, I hereby authorize you to keep splurging on the urge to merge. This is your special time to experiment with the magic of combining things that have rarely or never been combined.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I hope you can figure out the difference between the fake cure and the real cure. And once you know which is which, I hope you will do the right thing rather than the sentimental thing. For best results, keep these considerations in mind: The fake cure may taste sweeter than the real one. It may also be better packaged and more alluringly promoted. In fact, the only advantage the real cure may have over the fake one is that it will actually work to heal you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There's a sinuous, serpentine quality about you these days. It's as if you are the elegant and crafty hero of an epic myth set in the ancient future. You are sweeter and saucier than usual, edgier and more extravagantly emotive. You are somehow both a repository of tantalizing secrets and a fount of arousing revelations. As I meditate on the magic you embody, I am reminded of a passage from Laini Taylor's fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke & Bone: "She tastes like nectar and salt. Nectar and salt and apples. Pollen and stars and hinges. She tastes like fairy tales. Swan maiden at midnight. Cream on the tip of a fox's tongue. She tastes like hope."
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I bought an old horoscope book at a garage sale for 25 cents. The cover was missing and some pages were water-damaged, so parts of it were hard to decipher. But the following passage jumped out at me: "In romantic matters, Virgos initially tend to be cool, even standoffish. Their perfectionism may interfere with their ability to follow through on promising beginnings. But if they ever allow themselves to relax and go further, they will eventually ignite. And then, watch out! Their passion will generate intense heat and light." I suspect that this description may apply to you in the coming weeks. Let's hope you will trust your intuition about which possibilities warrant your caution and which deserve your opening.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "The secret of being a bore is to tell everything," said French writer Voltaire. I agree, and add these thoughts: To tell everything also tempts you to wrongly imagine that you have everything completely figured out. Furthermore, it may compromise your leverage in dicey situations where other people are using information as a weapon. So the moral of the current story is this: Don't tell everything! I realize this could be hard, since you are a good talker these days; your ability to express yourself is at a peak. So what should you do? Whenever you speak, aim for quality over quantity. And always weave in a bit of mystery.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Ducks are the most unflappable creatures I know. Cats are often regarded as the top practitioners of the "I don't give a f—-" attitude, but I think ducks outshine them. When domestic felines exhibit their classic aloofness, there's sometimes a subtext of annoyance or contempt. But ducks are consistently as imperturbable as Zen masters. Right now, as I gaze out my office window, I'm watching five of them swim calmly, with easygoing nonchalance, against the swift current of the creek in the torrential rain. I invite you to be like ducks in the coming days. Now is an excellent time to practice the high art of truly not giving a f—-.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My old friend Jeff started working at a gambling casino in Atlantic City. "You've gone over to the dark side!" I kidded. He acknowledged that 90 percent of the casino's visitors lose money gambling. On the bright side, he said, 95 percent of them leave happy. I don't encourage you to do this kind of gambling in the near future, Sagittarius. It's true that you will be riding a lucky streak. But smarter, surer risks will be a better way to channel your good fortune. So here's the bottom line: In whatever way you choose to bet or speculate, don't let your lively spirits trick you into relying on pure impulsiveness. Do the research. Perform your due diligence. It's not enough just to be entertained. The goal is to both have fun and be successful.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was a pioneer thinker whose ideas helped pave the way for the development of science. Believe nothing, he taught, unless you can evaluate it through your personal observation and logical analysis. Using this admirable approach, he determined that the size of our sun is about two feet in diameter. I'm guessing that you have made comparable misestimations about at least two facts of life, Capricorn. They seem quite reasonable but are very wrong. The good news is that you will soon be relieved of those mistakes. After some initial disruption, you will feel liberated.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison owned 1,093 patents. Nicknamed "The Wizard of Menlo Park," he devised the first practical electrical light bulb, the movie camera, the alkaline storage battery, and many more useful things. The creation he loved best was the phonograph. It was the first machine in history that could record and reproduce sound. Edison bragged that no one else had ever made such a wonderful instrument. It was "absolutely original." I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I think you're due for an outbreak of absolute originality. What are the most unique gifts you have to offer? In addition to those you already know about, new ones may be ready to emerge.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Here's an experiment that makes good astrological sense for you to try in the coming weeks. Whenever you feel a tinge of frustration, immediately say, "I am an irrepressible source of power and freedom and love." Anytime you notice a trace of inadequacy rising up in you, or a touch of blame, or a taste of anger, declare, "I am an irresistible magnet for power and freedom and love." If you're bothered by a mistake you made, or a flash of ignorance expressed by another person, or a maddening glitch in the flow of the life force, stop what you're doing, interrupt the irritation, and proclaim, "I am awash in power and freedom and love."