Arts » Arts Etc.

He's bad. So bad.

Jeremiah Teutsch has done it again. He’s really done it. I will never again waste my time attending one of his exhibitions. The installation he presents at the Three Walls Gallery is, quite possibly, the absolute worst piece of trash art I’ve ever seen. This fucktard better have balls of either steel or tungsten, because I plan to kick him square in the junk for putting me through the torturous and pointless hardships of his played-out and ripped-off “room of doom.”

I know of a fetish community in Brevig Mission, Alaska, whose members crave being swatted in the face with fishing-line. I am not one of these precious few. Speaking of phew, did you smell that feedlot Mr. Teutsch hath rendered? HORRIBLE! Spoiler Alert: All that this piece of shit has managed to achieve — apparently all on his own — is to construct a drywall “room,” and fill it with stench, and also items the likes of which any lesser ape could steal from a garage sale. But you know, once you get past the spiderwebs and odor of excrescence, the irritating noise and the strobe light aren’t that terrible.

This is not art, Mr. Teutsch! Art-induced dry-heaving is something I can live without, thank you!

Yes, I will admit I enjoyed some aspects of his Most Horrible Room. Leaving was nice. Calling my lawyer to pen a lawsuit was enjoyable. And if I ever see Teutsch in the streets, caving in the side of his Most Beautiful Face with a rusty waffle iron will also be quite gratifying.

Take it from me: Do not go see this Most Horrible Room. It would be worth it instead to wait until October, and go to a third-rate spooky house. You’d get about the same experience, and you could enjoy the smell of cotton candy instead of the rancid horse droppings with which Mr. Teutsch has blessed this work. If you do go to Three Walls, be sure to bring a book to read, because he only lets people in one at a time, and the line out the door was as excruciating as his art. The only reasonably funny thing about his piece was the warning posted in the en- trance of the room. He’s a clever warning writer, to be sure, but a great boob of an artist. (Don’t go. Trust me.)

Jeremiah Teutsch is a visual artist, writer, performer, and Current contributor. This is his first non-illustration work for us. If you simply won’t listen to reason, details are included in the info box.


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