Zzzzz. Incumbent and power forward Mayor Ed Garza waltzes through an election that features two third-string guards, Michael Idrogo and Shirley Thompson. Why did no legitimate candidate dare to post up against Garza; is he that invincible? Garza sweeps the series, 4-0.
He hit me! He called me names! Call a tech and a flagrant foul on Thomas Aguillon supporters for throwing elbows. Fans of big man Aguillon are stirring the pot about center Jon Thompson, and without a police report, we can't verify their allegations. Note to Aguillon's camp: This is street ball: no blood, no foul.
Aguillon is Bobby Perez' aide, which has connected him to the rich and powerful, but for those voters tired of business as usual, his insider status could be detrimental: If he camps out in the paint, he could get slapped with a 3-second violation.
Despite the enemies in Aguillon's camp, Thompson has courted the arts community, which includes most of bohemian Southtown. If artists can peel themselves from their canvases long enough to vote, they could make a difference. Due to unruly behavior by Aguillon's fans, Thompson gets two free throws and the ball with less than a minute to play.
Off the bench, strong sixth men Rene Balderas and Roger Flores are running civil campaigns; by mastering the fundamentals and sticking to the issues, their strategies could pay off while the other candidates foul out.
Look for the series to go to a runoff - and it won't include Joe Garcia, Gerald Ponce, Richard Gonzalez, and Daniel Monreal, who haven't seen many minutes this season. Tough to call in the first round; looks like a four-way race.
District 2 City Councilman and shooting guard John Sanders is trying to rebound after he was indicted on federal bribery charges, while the other candidates are using these allegations as a way to get position under the basket.
Although he has quick hands and feet, Joel Williams lost to Sanders in a runoff in 2001. Yet, Williams, who has a deep bench of support, could steal the election if enough Sanders disenfranchisees switch their allegiance.
Ron Wright has a dominating hook shot reminiscent of Dr. J., can read the defense, and sees the floor well, but Williams beats him by a step in the one-on-one.
Floria Fox , Sandra Martinez, and Linn Waiters are still learning to dribble. The election could be a repeat of last season, with Sanders and Williams locked at 3-3. The runoff will decide Game 7.
Toni, Toni, Toni. The Target deal, the PGA fiasco: You've blown the bunny shot. Toni Moorhouse could win because her name is plastered on the back of her jersey, but by using blockwalking as a defensive strategy, Harlandale School Board Member Joe Farias and retired cop Ron Segovia have gained name recognition and denied her the ball.
Retired cop Jerry Clancy, who spent some of April in the hospital, is on the disabled list, while rookie Martin Cordero hasn't yet found his range.
Unless Moorhouse can shake the defense for an open lay up, runoff goes to Farias and Segovia. And if nothing in Farias' school board past comes back to haunt him, then he keeps the homecourt advantage and wins the series, 4-3.
Earlier this season, District 10 Councilman David Carpenter called David Fernandez for a blocking foul: Carpenter fined the rabblerouser $500 for complaining to the ethics review board about District 4 incumbent Kike Martin's breaches - many of which later appeared to be true. So watch the replay and you will see that Fernandez had established position and took the charge. To the foul line David, for the 1-and-1. Whoosh, whoosh: After losing to Martin in 2001, vindication is yours as you conquer your opponents Phil Cortez, John Freeman, Joe Montoya, and Richard Perez in four straight.
Patti Radle will have to master the crossover dribble if a white woman can hope to win in a Hispanic district. San Antonio Independent School District Board Member Tom Lopez sets a moving pick against Henry Rosales, splitting the Hispanic defense, and penetrates underneath for a dunk.
Meanwhile, no-shows Bill Leffler, Javier Pena Martinez, and Don Castillo have missed too many practices and are cut from the team.
After five games, Lopez leads Radle and Rosales, 3-1-1.
Idea man Brad Clear can shoot the 3, but incumbent and top seed Enrique Barrera has more playoff experience. Barrera, 4-2.
In a slam-dunk contest, Julián Castro glides to his second term unopposed. He wins the conference series 4-0, but he has to spend the next two years perfecting his free throws if he wants to win the big cahuna.
Top seed Art Hall has slapped the full-court press on contender Josh Copeland, who proves that white men can't jump. But Copeland has in his corner a seasoned coach in campaign treasurer and former mayor Howard Peak, who is to Copeland what Jerry Tarkanian, the towel-chewing ne'er-do-well was to UNLV.
Bert Cecconi and Jo Ann Gonzalez, Fanny Thomas, Joe Groff, and Jesse Arriaga love the game, but need to work harder in training camp.
Hall, who snagged 8 percent of the vote when he ran as a rookie for mayor, could run off against Copeland; Hall squeaks by on a half-court shot at the buzzer, 4-3.
Mayoral hopeful and point guard Carroll Schubert has trapped scrappy contender Tony Garza against the baseline. Oops, out of bounds, Tony. Ball and series to Schubert, 4-2.
Chip Haass has a hot hand but John Clamp has established position on the city's zoning commission, which gives him an advantage underneath. With Julián Castro's blessing, Haass sinks enough 3s to stay in the game, but with four seconds left, the score is tied, thanks to Carpenter's support for Clamp. We can't look. •