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Jimmy Kimmel rips Ted Cruz in monologue, and the senator tries to pick yet another Twitter fight

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U.S. Sen Ted Cruz has faced pushback from news commentators, veterans and fellow senators for his claim that the U.S. Army's recruitment efforts "emasculated" the military. - SHUTTERSTOCK
  • Shutterstock
  • U.S. Sen Ted Cruz has faced pushback from news commentators, veterans and fellow senators for his claim that the U.S. Army's recruitment efforts "emasculated" the military.
The public ridicule of U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz over his recent claim that U.S. Army recruiting ads highlighting soldiers' diverse backgrounds would lead to an "emasculated" military has reached late night.

And, apparently, it's triggered the living shit out of the Republican senator from Texas. But more on that in a moment.

During his Monday show, late night host Jimmy Kimmel mocked Cruz — who's never served in the military — for his controversial critique of the Army's recruitment efforts. In his monologue, the comedian revealed he'd come up with a slogan that "would be more Ted’s speed."

The now-iconic photo of Cruz pulling his roller bag through the airport as he fled Texas for Mexico during February's winter storm flashed onscreen while Kimmel read the words that appeared at the bottom: "Army. Be all you Cancun be."

Late night host Jimmy Kimmel flashed this image of Cruz onscreen during Monday's monologue. - YOUTUBE SCREEN CAPTURE / JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
  • YouTube screen capture / Jimmy Kimmel Live
  • Late night host Jimmy Kimmel flashed this image of Cruz onscreen during Monday's monologue.
Beyond the potshot at Cruz's embarrassingly timed family vacation, Kimmel accused Cruz of "taking permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father." He also referred to the senator as a "moist, gelatinous tube worm whose elastic-band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks."

If you want to watch the entire bit, the good stuff starts around 4:49.


In what's now become a characteristic response, Cruz fired back on Twitter, challenging the late night host to a rematch of the pair's televised one-on-one basketball game — a floundering affair that the schlubby Cruz won only because Kimmel appeared to be even less athletically inclined.

"Here's a reminder, when we played one-on-one, I kicked his ass. He has to live with that...forever," Cruz tweeted, seeming to remember the game as something more than the laugh-bait it was. "Rematch, punk?"

Kimmel replied with one sentence: "Oh Ted... you get so sad after you masturbate."

And if anyone's in the mood for more Cruz bashing, there's always this compilation of Twitter takedowns the senator received in the wake of his Cancun getaway.

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