Arts » Arts Stories & Interviews

JoePa's faux pas and Penn State's valiant riots for the status quo


I’m with comedian Kelly Morton having a drink and watching ESPN’s 24-hour coverage of Joe Paterno and the Penn State riots. It’s almost last call and we’re pretty inebriated, but not too drunk to realize the complete and total uniqueness of these protests. “There’s not a lot of benefits held for the people that ‘looked the other way,’” says Kelly. And it’s true.  Usually people form mob’s of destruction for great causes like civil rights, economic equality, or winning the Super Bowl – but what about the forgotten heroes? You know – the people who looked the other way. The brave men and women who had the strength of character to choke back their natural human impulses to help the weak and instead maintain the status quo – where are their marches? Sure Martin Luther King fought through racial prejudice to right the wrongs of segregation, but let us not forget the brave people who may have agreed but saved their poor feet the blisters of trekking towards Washington. Yes, young Americans are facing down tear gas as they make a stand against the financial greed of Wall Street and their lobbyists – but what of the people annoyed by their antics? Complaining about the ‘finger wiggling hippies’ who need to get a job and toe the line. You know – the apathetic Middle Class. Luckily we have the students of Penn State to voice their concerns and stand against those that would fire their beloved Joe Paterno – not only the most successful coach in college football history, but a man who can ignore the repeated molestations of children by a deviant child rapist. Want to better understand the rioting students of Penn State and how they feel for their dear old JoePa? Then ask yourself this: How would you react to the knowledge that someone you worked with was showering with 10-year-old boys? I bet you would immediately call the cops wouldn’t you? Not Joe Paterno! This courageous man stepped in and passed it on to administration. GO LIONS! It’s this kind of dedication that wins football games people. I just don’t know if I would have the strength to do the same. I don’t know if I could fight back the urge to defend these poor children and choke the life out of this vile backwash from his mother’s cunt known as Gerald A. Sandusky. Obviously, I just don’t have what JoePa has — the fear of tainting my legacy. Then again, I guess I can take comfort with the one thing I do have the great Joe Paterno no longer possesses: my job. (Grand Jury findings re: Sandusky)


Swiss Army Robot is a satirical column written by Jay Whitecotton and is intended to be taken as seriously as possible. You can find him on facebook and Write him at

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