|Big Kahuna’s MySpace page. Courtesy photo. |
The beauty of MySpace is you can’t post a comment on someone’s profile if they haven’t added you as their “friend.” If Jason “Big Kahuna” Weaver, 32, ever accepts my friend request, here’s what I’d say.
Mar 23 2007 4:08P
Is it really necessary to check your MySpace page when you’re a fugitive?
I mean, hijacker D.B. Cooper did not parachute out the back of a Boeing above Mount St. Helens with his $200,000 ransom and then send a map to the authorities with little pushpins showing his escape route out of the Pacific Northwest, did he? Pancho Villa didn’t leave masa crumbs for the 13th U.S. Cavalry to follow him into the rugged Sierra Madres. And OJ didn’t use a car phone, a veritable tracking device … well he shouldn’t have if he and A.C. Cowlings didn’t want the signal triangulated. (Advances in electronic trailing and wall-to-wall cell-phone towers `disguised as palm trees along the LA Freeway!` have since made the modern cell phone — each equipped with a GPS chip — a “personal-locator beacon,” reported CNN’s
technology correspondent Daniel Sieberg last year.)
So Jason (“Jay for short,” your About Me section says), all los federales need to see where you logged in on January 23 — almost four months after you were to self-report at a federal prison camp in Beaumont — is a court order. The IP address for that computer is as unique as the old East Park Village street address off Rittiman where you, your wife Tracee, and kids Ava and Hunter used to live. (Your family could be on the lam with you, too, Tracee’s great aunt Doris Wilkerson said: the elementary school called her to find out where your boy was.)
But lucky for you, a law-enforcement insider said the U.S. Marshals aren’t looking very hard. And none of your neighbors, friends, or family I spoke with said they’d been contacted by the law.
Mar 31 2007 3:25P
“It was on KSAT 12, they put up the wanted picture,” your neighbor, Sandra, described last Friday’s morning news to me. The A/C was blasting in the living room, and the Golden Lab mix, Sandy, nosed at my black pants until they were blond. “The two marshals laughed because it’s not like Jason’s a mass murderer or a child molester. And they figured he was still in the area doing gardening.”
“Yeah, he’s real good at growing things!” Sandra’s husband called from the kitchen.
Sandra said you’re the one who told her you’d been arrested on April 4, 2005, charged with three counts related to growing pot, and released on a $100,000 surety bond (that your wife made a down payment on).
“I feel sorry for him now because he’s done something dumb and it’s gonna add extra time,” Sandra said. “He said ‘I can do three years standing on my head.’ And I told him three years goes fast … When you stop and think of it in the scope of things. He’s young.”
Mar 31 2007 5:00P
You faked us all out, Jay. Not only did you give me an interview, sounding all god-solid and determined to serve the time, but after you were busted with four of your friends (who all got nothing harsher than probation) you did everything by the letter of the law. You applied with District Court Judge Royal Furgeson’s court in September 2005 to change the conditions of your release to travel and help with the Hurricane Rita recovery in Beaumont. No one thought you were a flight risk.
“He’s the one that was growing the marijuana, right? I just wanted to make sure because they tend to run together,” said Deputy U.S. Marshal Tom Smith, a Lone Star Fugitive Task Force supervisor with the nation’s primary criminal hunting party. (Last Friday in Austin the Marshals captured Jose Antonio Espinoza, a fugitive who skipped sentencing here in San Antonio last June. He’d been up on cocaine conspiracy and was handed down a 30-year-sentence in absentia.)
“They don’t all run to Mexico,” Smith said. “And we don’t have any indication that `Jason’s` fled the area.”
He also said he couldn’t believe you “jetted” on just a three-year sentence. No one can say for sure how many extra years a fugitive gets for his transgression; it seems to depend on law enforcement’s mood. “Don’t make us have to look hard for you,” Smith said. “If we’re out on the weekends … you’ll get no mercy.”
Your lawyer, legendary narcotics defender Gerry Goldstein, said the extra sentencing then, if you’re caught, depends on what your reasons were. “There are defenses to that … people have died” and did not report to prison, he said.
April 2 2007 11:45A
I contacted a few of your friends on your MySpace. Someone I didn’t look up, a San Antonio filmmaker named Kevin from what I could tell from his profile, wrote me.
“Please refrain from asking anymore questions about Mr. Weaver,” he said. “I appreciate your interest in the well-being of Big Kahuna, but he is far from our continent, and we will never see him again. By the way … it was a very good article. — K”
Apr 3 2007 6:09P
Hey Jay! I’ve been learning how to tweak my profile (I notice we both share a love for Tony Jaa’s martial arts). BTW, did you know you can hide your Last Login?