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Man kicked out of the Klan for expressing optimism


BIRMINGHAM, AL – After recent months of controversial posts on a local white supremacy website, trucker and Grand Dragon James Earl Grey was unanimously voted out of the Ku Klux Klan. Topic threads like “Why Denzel is AWESOME!!!” and “Braveheart wasn’t that good, anyways” infuriated many in the community, leading website administrators to revoke the online privileges of user ‘H84LIFE’. However, it was Grey's pro-Semitic comments that led to the his forced departure from the Klan. “Oh yeah sure, the Jews control the media, but they’re doing’ a great job!” Grey wrote. “They get a bad rap for being stingy with their money, but you look at the production costs on most movies — frankly I just don’t see it.” He would go on to add that the Oscars adding five more movies in the ‘Best Picture’ category allowed for more subtle films to gain exposure, and that inclusion is never a bad thing. “For years he was the leading voice in our ‘White is Right’ campaign,” said one anonymous Klansman “but ever since his screenplay got signed to a development deal, he just hasn’t been the same.” .

Swiss Army Robot is a satirical column written by Jay Whitecotton and is intended to be taken as seriously as possible.

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