Ms. Pat

If you’re wondering why you gotta call her Ms. Pat, listen to her describe, on the Comedy Central web series This Is Not Happening, the way her formidable rack (aka “Life-Saving Titties”) rescued her from the consequences of a crack deal gone south. “What’s wrong, this too real for y’all?” she asks, after copping to stealing $100 a day from the cash register while working at McDonald’s, and if you can’t deal with this unfuckwithable stand-up comic’s brutal honesty at this point, you better turn back now. “The only thing I don’t like about being a mom is having kids,” she says, before launching into a routine about her children that would make Louis C.K. blush, and that’s when you realize there is no substitute for experience, and since you ain’t gotta call her by her dealer name, “Rabbit,” you probably oughta call her by her stage name, Ms. Pat, because now she deals in a rarer and more precious commodity, the truth.