If you’re not a celebrity-leg-humping Us subscriber, the only way to get through Oscar night (Sunday February 22) without a psychotic episode or irreversible liver damage is to view the whole ceremony as an elaborate sociological experiment with no real relation to actual movies or their artistic merits. The question answered on Oscar night isn’t “What were the most notable films and performances of 2008?” but “What do celebrities want us to think of them?” The chart to the left represents our best bets re: the vanities lurking in the depths of today’s movie-star psyche. Flat out guessing would be boring and predictable, though (hint: Hollywood isn’t very complex), so, to make it interesting, we’re betting with bookie odds (get your own copy of the home version at sacurrent.com). To make it humiliating, we’re forcing the losers to karaoke an Oscar-winning song and post the whole horrible result at sacurrent.com. What good’s a sociology experiment if it doesn’t end with a drunken film critic weeping his way through “My Heart Will Go On”?
Play along at home with your own copy of our 2009 Oscar betting form