Bryan? It’s Sandra Bernhard.
Oh my God, thanks for calling. Are you looking forward to coming back to Texas?
I love coming to Texas and I love BBQ.
Will you be kissing other states on the lips as well?
Not really. Carla [of Austin’s White Widow, Bernhard’s back-up band for a three-date tour] has been promoting my shows, so it’ll be a mashup of New York and Texas rock.
Can you name a few Texans you wouldn’t mind kissing on the lips?
Ann Richards. I would’ve kissed her on the lips.
What about Jerry Hall?
Oh, I’ve already kissed Jerry.
These stories you tell in your performances, like the one about rescuing Britney Spears, are they fantasies, or are they based on actual occurrences?
I’m not going to tell you that! That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.
What can you tell me about the musical you’re working on with Justin Bond and Jake Shears?
Well, Jake co-wrote one of the songs with Lance Horne; and Justin and I play cousins who’ve gone on divergent paths, and I’ve gone in a much more extreme direction.
What’s your favorite thing to listen to right now?
That’s a hard question. I listen to a lot of music when I’m driving in L.A., but in New York, I miss out on a lot of cutting-edge music. But I write a lot in New York. I listen to old Joni Mitchell, the Stones, Stevie Nicks — go-to music that calms me down and inspires me.
Do you get a lot of movie scripts?
Not as many as I’d like.
Is there anyone you’d love to work with?
When I was young, I wanted to work with Bob Fosse and John Cassavetes. Now, I guess Pedro Almodóvar.
You’d be great in an Almodóvar film.
I’m oddly perfect for an Almodóvar film, but not knowing Spanish would get in the way.
Who’s your favorite comedian of all time?
What can I tell people to get them out to your show?
I’m not blowing my own horn, but I’m one of the great live performers. And it’s great to see someone who’s been at it for so long, who’ll put themselves on the line. The music is great, and I’m a great performer — and you won’t feel like you’ve wasted your money.
Kiss Me on the Lips Texas
VIP (includes meet-and-greet and a signed poster): $80; general admission: $40 (a portion of proceeds benefits Equality Texas, a non-profit organization that advocates and lobbies for the elimination of discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression), doors at 7pm Fri, Nov 19, the Woodlawn Theatre, 1920 Fredericksburg, district512.com, sandrabernhard.com.