Claim that Yolanda Saldívar was innocent
Trust no bitch.
Photo via San Antonio Current
Anticipate traffic to be smooth during rush hour on the Loop
It's like watching paint dry.
Photo via Facebook (Shelly Grayson Valentine)
Forget the speed limit in the Olmos Park or Windcrest areas
Popo be rollin'.
Photo via Facebook (Fox 8 News)
Say Austin is better than San Antonio
It's just not, okay.
Photo via Facebook (Travel Channel)
Decide to take a leisurely jog during the summer
It's your funeral, bro.
Photo via ysanantonio.com
Paint over the I love tacos so much graffiti
Y'all got so mad when they painted over that mural.
Photo via Facebook (Amanda Rodriguez)
Swim in the San Antonio River
That's some dirty water.
Photo via Wikipedia (San Antonio River Walk)
Incur the wrath of San Anto ladies à la Charles Barkley
Timmy D.'s girlfriend Vanessa Macias will kick your ass.
Photo via Facebook (ClutchPoints)
Gamble on parking downtown
You think you're lucky, punk?
Photo via Facebook (The Rivard Report)
Leave your allergy meds at home during the height of cedar season
May the Lord have mercy on your sinus cavity.
Photo via Facebook (KABB FOX 29 News, San Antonio)
Talk shit about craft beer
Talk shit, get hit... by a very passionate craft beer snob.
Photo via Facebook (Sales Consultants of San Antonio)
Confront a demonic pack of chihuahuas
Run, run for your lives.
Photo via dailymail.co.uk
Being late to work because you stayed up too late celebrating a Spurs' championship
Manu is judging you.
Photo via Facebook (Downtown Tuesday)
Ingest a Big Red and barbacoa before riding Batman: the Ride
Don't be a fool.
Photo via Facebook (Andrew Zimmern)
Attempt to meet up with someone while battling the crowds during Fiesta
You'll never find him. Ever.
Photo via Facebook (Fiesta Oyster Bake)
Be a LeBron fan
San Antonio is just not a safe place for LeBron lovers.
Photo via Facebook (Don't Hate Miami)
Waste time fixing your hair when the forecast calls for 100 degrees every day
You know, people paid for perms in the 80's.
Photo via Facebook (Kinetico San Antonio)
Dislike Lone Star while living on a budget
It's unpatriotic to hate on the National Beer of Texas, dude.
Photo via Facebook (Lone Star Beer)
Confuse the Castro twins
Do you think Julian and Joaquín ever switched classes during elementary?
Photo via Facebook (Now With Alex Wagner)
Assume the VIA will actually run on schedule
It's an even longer ride when you're stuck on the bendy part of the bus.
Photo via mysanantonio.com
Eat at the Pearl before checking the status of your bank account
Because those nasty overdraft fees suck royally.
Photo via rantfood.com
Diss breakfast tacos in any shape or form
Hey, even President Obama loves tacos, amirite?
Photo via Pinterest (capndesign.com)