Dress for success, but not just yet
Go to class in your PJs, while you can.
Walk campus in the wee hours
"To see stray cats and ghosts. … That's what we did at OLLU," wrote Darrell Hoberer.
Start a company
You've seen The Social Network, right? On a similar note, the idea for what became FedEx was first conceived by its founder, Frederick Smith, for an economics assignment at Yale, although he didn't put the idea into action until years later. Google began as a Stanford research project by founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin.
Get your grammar act together
Your/you're. Its/It's. You may seek casual sex, but probably not causal sex (as one Facebook friend scolded another). Edit Yourself by Bruce Ross-Larson is but one of dozens of manuals that'll help if none of your classes have. Remember, you can't carry your diploma with you all the time. Know the stuff that people expect from a college grad.
Disassemble a car
"Then re-assemble it inside of someone's dorm while they are away at home!" suggests prankster Monte D. Young.
Remember your homework
With all of those distracting extra-curriculars vying for your attention, it's easy to forget that you're there to learn some stuff. But you did just spend $98 dollars on that calculus textbook so you might as well make use of it. Tuition only becomes more burdensome when you have to pay double because you failed your classes.
Plot your entry into the Guinness Book of World Records
If it's a group activity, you'll never have a more promising pool of potential co-conspirators waiting to join your quest.
Register to vote
And follow up by voting.
Wake up in another country
Without a clue as to how you got there.
Fire a rocket-propelled grenade
In a safe environment, of course.
Move off campus
And learn to take care of yourself.
Learn to cook
As an important part of the above.
Get to know people different from yourself
They may be easier to find than before, or after.
Don't just play. Learn to dominate.
Volunteer for research
You can pick up pocket change and, who knows, say, "She never would have gotten that Nobel Prize without me."
Acquire a master key
To everything on campus.
Watch Animal House
One of our colleagues considers it a documentary. See if it is for you.
Make the Dean's list
At least once. If you're generally a fuck-up, it's nice to prove the problem really is your attitude, not your ability.
And put all this behind you. Begin dispensing unsolicited advice to undergrads. •
Concept by Detroit Metro Times intern Ally Levise. Execution by Ally Levise and the MT staff (with a lot of help from the San Antonio Current's Facebook community). Other suggestions from Current readers are scattered across the guide.