Sex Questions Answered Here

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There are plenty of sex columns out there. They’re boring. We like to have fun over here. Sex can get very dull very fast, so I like to encourage experimentation. Ask away. But please, let’s have a few ground rules:

- You can’t change a person into someone you find more appealing. Stop trying. Stop lying. You and your relationship will fail. Try being with someone you genuinely like as a friend before you become lovers.

- Please be specific. I can think of five different ways to answer “My boyfriend won’t stop pestering me for anal sex. What do I do?” Do you want tips on making it happen or do you want him off your backside? It’s all in the details people.

- This blog is a free-for-all. Gay, hetero, bi, trans, fetish, curious? As long as it involves sex between consenting adults, it’s more than ok. It’s fantastic.

Is it ok to be a 25-year old man that has only had sex with one woman his whole life? – LPL

Dear Onesie,

Yes, it is perfectly fine to be 25 and only have one sexual partner. I can understand if the sex-crazed media might create some pressure for you. There is probably much more to your (or his) story but it’s all about being happy and feeling comfortable. Are you happy? Is there an inner slut screaming to get out? I know a 45-year-old man who has only been with one woman, his high school sweetheart. Maybe that will give you a goal to work towards.

Clitoral stimulation: what works and what's just annoying? – RDB

Dear Clit and Be Fit,

Great question! This is something I can get passionate about. Follow this advice, and your hands and mouth will be your girlfriend’s new best friends! But remember, it’s always a good idea to ask her to tell or show you what she likes and doesn’t like. Every woman is different. Some like it very gentle and some love it rough. It all depends on the lady.

With your hands, feel around for the clitoris under the hood or prepuce. The love button is hidden away for a good reason. Constant contact with the external world would create spontaneous orgasms everywhere. For real. When touching the clit, lubrication really helps. Some girls are naturally wet, especially if they’re really into you or the moment. If she’s not wet, saliva or lube is your next safe bet. Change the amount of pressure you’re applying with your fingers, from soft and gentle to something with more force. Hopefully, she’ll tell you what feels good and whether she likes it slower or faster. Communication is key. You’ll probably want to be doing something with your mouth or other hand, like touching other parts of her body and kissing her. Ultimately, it’s not just about clitoral stimulation, but a whole body experience.

With your mouth, you’ll want to use your hands to part the lips. Or maybe she can do that for you, freeing up your hands to grab her hips or play with other naughty bits. When licking, it’s best to alternate between the tip of your tongue and the flat center to create different pressure points. This can alternate from quick flicks of the tip to a long, deep tongue rub. Some women like to be nibbled on with teeth. Chewing on a piece of gum can be your mental note. I like alternating back and forth between hands and oral, so it doesn’t get boring.

But you’ve done all of this before, right? Maybe she needs something a little more cerebral. Have you ever tried just talking to the clit? Reason with it. That really gets me going. Talk to the pussy. Tell it how much you love kissing it, how delicious it tastes. She might laugh but she’ll love every minute of it. Something fun to try is after she has reached an orgasm, stay there and keep licking. She will probably try to push you away or put your head in a vice grip with her thighs. But if you are able to continue, it will prolong her climax and probably make her have multiple orgasms. Trust me!

From personal experience, I can say that honest enthusiasm for the craft helps with climax. When someone is into you and wants to give you pleasure, their technique is secondary. If you are really enjoying what you are doing and want to give your partner pleasure, be ready to give it your all. Take your time and don’t rush. She will  love you for it.

These fetishes make me sick: top_10_bizarre_fetishes

How can somebody actually enjoy this?

Dear Gag Bag,

Before I get into why people enjoy these extreme kinds of fetishes, I need to make a disclaimer. In my opinion, any object or activity can be a fetish. Trees. Chocolate. Why do you think single women have so many cats? Some of my colleagues fetishize fancy pens and the stains they create, Woody Woodpecker, clowns, the smell of bleach, school-girl uniforms, shoes and wigs, to name just a few.

With that, it should come as no surprise that people enjoy their fetishes for various reasons. For most, it’s about power and control. There are so many things we can’t control in our lives: familial discord, your boss being a jerk, or the lack of quality primetime television shows. Having a fetish gives the mind something to focus on. The fetish object or activity might recreate an intense feeling or a memory of something that made the person feel extremely happy as a child. There was no explanation for why the fetish felt good, but it just did. So the experience gets recreated over and over again.

As for the “top 10 bizarre fetishes” list, these are the most extreme of the bunch. Feeling disgusted by the thought of someone becoming aroused by feces or vomit is obviously the norm. While a comprehensive sex survey was published earlier this week, there is not a “freaky fetish census.” There is no knowledge of how many people actually indulge in these activities. It’s usually just used in porn or for shock value. My take on it is simple: if it involves two (or more) consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone or being forced to do something they don’t want to do, then it’s OK. Sorry Dahmer, a corpse is not a consenting adult! Arousal from killing an animal makes you a psychopath, not a sexy person. Some people are just sick in the head. Luckily there are laws in place to protect the little creatures.

Dr. Anita Appelbaum is a certifiable, if self-trained, doctor of love, lust and of those things often found to resemble amour. She takes your questions at femmenation@sacurrent.com

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