Assclown Alert: Dan Patrick Warns That Mail-In Ballots Will End Democracy Itself

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TWITTER / DANPATRICK
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It’s tempting to permanently paste Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s face in this slot and dedicate each issue’s Assclown Alert to his latest explosive bout of verbal diarrhea.

Don’t worry. We won’t. After all, this state is still chock-full of politicos worthy of being called out for assclownery.



That said, Patrick’s most recent appearance on Fox News sure makes it hard to resist the temptation.

During a chat with host Laura Ingraham, Patrick claimed the Democratic effort to expand mail-in voting in Texas during the pandemic wasn’t just a very bad idea but one that would spell “the end of democracy.”



“We’re not going to put up with it. And if they get away with it, Laura, if they get it, it’s the end of democracy,” said the ever-hyperbolic Republican. “It’s not just the end of this presidential campaign. If they get away with this, democracy has been shredded.”

During the appearance, Patrick also demanded Twitter apologize to President Trump for fact-checking his recent tweet filled with inaccurate claims about absentee voting. Trump’s “opinion was based on fact, because the Democrats are trying to steal this election,” Big Dan the Outrage Man rationalized.

Patrick was a conservative radio talk show host before running for office, and his remarks show he’s lost neither his flair for Texas-sized overstatement nor his assclownish desire to fan the flames of the culture war — even during a national calamity.

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