The Most Ridiculous Laws in Texas

By San Antonio Current Staff

        
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Texas is known for having some shit-show politicians and pieces of legislation. Putting aside political differences coming from either side of the spectrum, here are some serious WTF laws that make us wonder how they even came about.

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Be courteous about your neighbor’s garbage.
The next time you want to eat your neighbor’s garbage, be sure to get their permission first. If you don’t, you could serve jail time.
Photo via Flickr / Tony Swartz

You can’t have a dildo collection.
Sorry, but in Texas, the possession of sex toys is regulated. The Lone Star State has banned the possession of or promoting the use of more than six dildos. Why is six the magic number? We’re not sure, but that’s Texas for ya – it’s a hell of a lot easier to own lots of guns than lots of dildos.
Photo via Flickr / Nik Morris (van Leiden)

Get your own cow’s milk – just not this way.
If you had any funny ideas about scoring some milk from a cow you don’t own, just forget about it. It’s illegal to milk another person’s cow in Texas.
Photo via Flickr / aka CJ

Take the next train.
Prepare to scratch your head at this one. When two trains meet at a railroad crossing, both shall come to a full stop. And here’s the confusing part: neither train shall proceed until the other train has gone. Let’s just assume the lawmakers were on something the day this law was passed.
Photo via Flickr / tengrrl

You don’t have to attend your own wedding (well, maybe).
If you’re antisocial AF, you don’t have to go to your own wedding. At least you don’t have to if you’re in the military and stationed out of the country. In Texas, you can be “married by proxy,” meaning you can choose someone to represent you at your own wedding.
Photo via Flickr / Tito Perez

You can’t shoot a buffalo.
In most scenarios, you are completely allowed to shoot a buffalo in the state of Texas. The exception? It’s supposedly Texas law that you can’t shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
Photo via Flickr / Michael Whyte

Make sure to sip your beer the legal way.
This is rumored to be a myth, but plenty of sources claim this odd piece of law as true in Lefors, Texas. So here it goes. It’s supposedly against the law, at least in Lefors, to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. So you can stand-sit-stand or stand-stand-sit, but you can’t stand-stand-stand while enjoying a cold one with the boys.
Photo via Flickr / Fetmano

Make sure your tail lights are on your horse in Texarkana.
Texans love riding horses, but doing so at night in Texarkana is potentially illegal. You can only be a law-abiding horse rider if you put tail lights on your horse if you decide to go for a midnight stroll. Don’t ask us how this one is supposed to work, ‘cause we’re just as confused as you.
Photo via Flickr / lucathegalga

Flirting is potentially illegal.
If you’re trying to land a partner in San Antonio, be careful how you go about it. It’s reportedly a big no-no to “flirt with the eyes or hands” in San Antonio. This goes for both men and women, in case you were wondering. Not to figure out how else you’re supposed to flirt...
Photo via Flickr / STANDARDBLANC.COM

Respect the dead – by watching your mouth.
“Have some respect for the dead” is taken very seriously in Texas. It’s law that using profanity in front of a corpse is illegal. We wonder how this is checked if you’re alone with a corpse, but maybe it’s better if we don’t know.
Photo via Flickr / Lorraine Ann Flack

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Make sure your pigs don’t get it on at the airport.
Something really freaky must have gone down for the city of Kingsville to make it illegal for pigs to mate at the airport. This one is just too ridiculous to believe, but it’s true.
Photo via Instagram / K-State Research and Extension

Tough luck if you want to read the Encyclopedia Britannica.
If you’re trying to become more knowledgeable about any number of subjects, you won’t be able to use the Encyclopedia Britannica. The massive collection is banned in Texas since it holds a formula that Texans could use it to make beer at home. We’re not saying we wouldn’t, but it seems like a big deal to ban such a timeless source of intelligence.
Photo via Flickr / SimCity Research Laboratory

Have an eye to spare? That’s too bad.
If you’ve ever been in a dire need for lots of cash, you may have joked about selling a limb for a quick buck. Just know that you can’t sell your eyeballs, ‘cause it’s totally illegal in Texas.
Photo via Flickr / Jennifer Wiggins

Windshield wipers are essential. A windshield? Not so much.
In Texas, it is considered illegal to drive without windshield wipers. But you don’t necessarily need a windshield. This logic doesn’t pan out, but we won’t question it.
Photo via Flickr / jimmyshag

Be courteous to your victim.
If you intend on making some a victim of a crime you commit, you must give 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, to explain the nature of the crime. Otherwise, you’ll just look like an inconsiderate jerk.
Photo via Shutterstock

Wanting to express yourself in your haircut? Too bad if you live in Mesquite.
If you decide to move out to Mesquite and raise your family there, don’t get any ideas about “unusual” hairstyles. It’s illegal for kids to have crazy haircuts in this Dallas suburb.
Photo via Flickr / jonarcher

You’ll need to get permission before you kick off your shoes.
The “no shirt, no shoes, no service” rule is taken a bit further in some Texas cities. There are some towns that have made it illegal to walk around barefoot without obtaining a permit, usually $5, to do so. It has to do with city sanitation and appearance, but it also seems a bit extreme to make an entire law about it.
Photo via Flickr / Gabriel

Hold your piss around the Alamo.
Texans have a justified allegiance to the Alamo. As such, it’s illegal to relieve yourself (alternatively, piss) on the Alamo. Yep, that’s why Ozzy Oscbourne was in the dog house for so long for doing just that.
Photo via Instagram / officialalamo

Bad odors aren’t allowed in elevators in Port Arthur.
If you find yourself in Port Arthur, consider yourself warned about farting in an elevator. Here’s the sitch: you can’t. That’s right, totally illegal. It should just be common courtesy not to, but the law seems a bit much.
Photo via Flickr / Lynn Kelley Author

Sitting on the sidewalk in Galveston could cost you.
Spending time in Galveston and looking to rest your feet. You deserve your rest, just as long as you don’t sit down on the sidewalk. You could be slapped with a $500 fine if you do.
Photo via Flickr / Steve Rhodes

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Put that feather duster away in Clarendon.
Someone who previously held a lot of power in Clarendon must have had a fear of feather dusters. The old-school cleaning item can’t be used to dust a public building in this small Panhandle town.
Photo via Flickr / Wouter de Bruijn

Getting hitched is actually really, really easy.
You don’t need to get a marriage license or have a big-ass wedding in order for the world to recognize that you and your partner are married. In Texas, you can publicly introduce someone as your husband or wife three times and you’ll be considered legally married. Yep, it’s that easy.
Photo via Flickr / Austin Uphoff

Don’t you dare throw trash from an airplane when flying over Galveston.
In addition to looking like a jerk if you litter in general, doing so from an airplane over Galveston is against the law.
Photo via Flickr / quadraticalia

Here’s the one way you can prepare for a career in politics.
Atheists will face a big dilemma if they ever want to hold public office. In Texas, it’s required to “acknowledge a supreme being” before taking public office. We’re not sure how this can even be verified, or what it entails, but know it’s part of the process.
Photo via Flickr / Greg Stokinger